Don't Have to Tell Me Twice

Because actual SCREWS are so boring?

 

Technorati tags: humor, odd, funny

Hard Time Out

Philippine police chased down an unfit thief on Tuesday after he ran out of breath and asked his pursuers for a "time out".

Buenceso said the man and an accomplice broke into a house in the Philippine capital and stole two expensive mobile phones. Screams from the residence alerted a local police patrol, which gave chase.

The robber asked for a "time out" using hand signals.

It's refreshing to know that stupidity is universal.

Technorati tags: Stupid, crime, philippines, time out, police

The Squared Circle Gets Smaller

Although I'm not really what you'd call a huge fan of pro-wrestling, I do enjoy it from time to time.  I might not be able to give you detailed histories of the wrestlers, but I'm familiar with a lot of their names and such, and know a little bit about the sport.

Even to someone with such a passing familiarity, I was shocked by the news that Chris Benoit was found dead today with his family.  Tentative reports are saying that it appears to be a double-murder/suicide.  Needless to say, anytime this type of thing happens to any family, famous or not, it's shocking. 

I'm sure in the days ahead the story will come to light, but until then, my thoughts are with the family members who have lost so much today, and with the wrestling fans who lost a hero cold blooded killer.

 

Technorati tags: WWE, pro wrestling, sports, Chris Benoit, murder, suicide

Just Plain LOLworthy

Behold the joy of 'Nemesis.' Enjoy.

 

Technorati tags: Nemesis, Mustang, racing, humor

Some Things You Never Forget

There are certain things in life you never really manage to let go of.  They may slip out of conscious memory to be replaced by a thousand things, but in the dark recesses of the mind they wait until beckoned by an exact stimulus.

The giddy, excited rush I got as a kid when I saw Megatron on TV  - and heard his distinctive voice - is one of them.

I didn't realize exactly how much of a Transformers geek I really am until I watched this clip, and heard Frank Welker slowly slip into character and literally send chills up my spine as once again, the unforgettable voice of Megatron speaks.

 

Technorati tags: Frank Welker, Megatron, Transformers

If Rumors Were Horses...

If these new rumors about Battlestar Galactica are true, it just got cooler by a factor of about a hundred.  No, I'm not referring to the inferred lesbian relationship between Admiral Cain and Gina (since lesbian cyborg/human relationships don't really do anything for me.)

I'm talking about some retro 70s Cylon goodness.

"[R]umors were out that the original Cylon models from the 1970s ABC series would make a cameo appearance in the telemovie...they will likely get more screen time than the new versions first introduced in the 2003 miniseries.

They are going to have the same voice, the same sparkle, the same type of ships, everything," the source said. "

Finally, some non-Transformers news to geek-out to.

 

Technorati tags: Battlestar Galactica, sci-fi, Cylon, 70s, Pegasus

The WTF Files: Case # 34399812992

It's unavoidable.  Every once in a while a news story comes along that grabs your attention with one piece of information, then sucker-punches you with another.  Witness the following:

Hemmed in by six court and correction officers, Richard Glawson, his jaw set, pleaded not guilty yesterday to new charges that include the threatened slaughter of a jury.

    “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I’ll kill all of you if you find me guilty of any one charge, and that goes for your family, too,” the 46-year-old hissed in court last month, according to prosecutors.

That was the 'hook'. Here comes the knockout punch:

He is further charged with using restraints to break a window in the court cell where he made mosaic art out of two bologna and cheese sandwiches.

Yep.

 

Technorati tags: Boston, Massachusetts, Glawson, Suffolk, crime, justice, stupid

Muslims Are Pissed Off Again, Film at 11

Barely a day goes by without more news of Muslims being pissed off at something else and yelling and screaming for blood and death.  Today is no different:

Outrage over Salman Rushdie's knighthood threatened to ignite across the Muslim world yesterday.

"The West is accusing Muslims of extremism and terrorism," he told his country's parliament.

"If someone exploded a bomb on his body he would be right to do so, unless the British government apologises and withdraws the 'sir' title."

So, remind me again why we in the west tend to think of Muslims as prone to extremism and terrorism?

It couldn't be because

Large teams of newly trained suicide bombers are being sent to the United States and Europe, according to evidence contained on a new videotape obtained by the Blotter on ABCNews.com.

Could it? No, of course not.  I guess I'm just Islamophobic.

 

Technorati tags: Islam, Salman Rushdie, Jihad, Fatwa, Iran, Muslims, Terrorism, knighthood, extremism, suicide bomber

A Walk in the Park

We took the kids to a nice park on the quiet end of town tonight.  Home to several baseball fields, there's also a nice dual-playground setup surrounded by a forest so we can sit and watch the kids romp about.

One of the two playgrounds is set up more for older children, and one is built on nice thick foam padding and is geared more for the younger ones.  When we arrived, aside from an organized game of softball on the nearby diamond, the playground was empty.

For a while the kids had the run of the playground and were laughing and carrying on and generally having a good time.   Minutes later a gold, heavily blinged-out Lexus RX300 spat out two adolescents and their mother and grandmother who felt compelled to sit just off the side of the playground and chat while half-assedly holding the tiny leash attached to their barking, yapping, snarling pit bull.

Who the hell brings a god damned pit bull to a playground?  That's like taking a fat guy to a farm with young twinkies running and covorting in a sugar-coated, glistening field of icing.

The Chronicles of Suburbia

Father's Day has come and nearly gone and this year I wonder if I have much of a relationship with my father left.  All we ever talk about anymore is money and how miserable and broke he is. On top of that, through some roundabout means it always ends up being my fault somehow.

I know I've had some money woes over the years and he's bailed me out of a fair number of them.  I also know that I've not borrowed the amount he seems to think I have.  I managed to work hard, pull myself up from my bootstraps, and while I'm not getting rich at the moment, we once again are a two car family, and are getting by.

Dad on the other hand, since retiring, seems to think that he gets poorer and poorer  with each passing moment, and can't afford to replace the colossal hunk of shit Daewoo Nubira he drives.  If I can afford two cars, he can certainly afford one.

That's another entire post though and I don't want to get bogged down in it anymore at the moment than I already have.

The kids woke me up this morning with an adorable card and lots of smiles and hugs.   We got out and about, starting with breakfast at Dunkin' Donuts.  What more does a guy need, really?

All in all I'd have to say that with the exception of dealing with MY dad, Father's Day went off without a hitch.

On a totally unrelated side note, I recently picked up a Net10 prepaid cellphone and so far, I'm really impressed.  Reloading it with minutes is a hell of a lot cheaper than the old T-Mobile phone I used, and the coverage so far is fantastic.  Nice clear calls, and a great signal everywhere I've used it. Not to mention the 300 FREE minutes I got just for activating it.

I've heard so many ungodly horror stories from people on actual cell contracts that I decided this way was the best way to go, and I have no complaints.

Technorati tags: Father's Day, Daewoo, cell phone, Net10

Like TV Only Better

I posted once about accidentally tuning in to an old-time radio western while I was driving and how much I actually enjoyed the experience,  much to my surprise.

Since then, given the time constraints involved with being a car salesman and a dad, I haven't had as much time to indulge this fascination as I might have wanted.  In fact, I nearly forgot about it. 

By some random twist of fate, I came across this site, which has a large assortment of old-time sci-fi and horror radio-plays.  I highly recommend trying a few.  Turn off the lights, turn off your monitor, and close your eyes. You might just be as surprised as I was at exactly how much fun it is to let a little good old-fashioned imagination be your entertainment for a bit.

 

Technorati tags: Old time radio, drama, plays, entertainment, sci-fi, horror

A Whale of a Tale

I find this fascinating even though it's a sad, ignoble ending to a magnificent creature.

A 50-ton bowhead whale caught off the Alaskan coast last month had a weapon fragment embedded in its neck that showed it survived a similar hunt — more than a century ago. Embedded deep under its blubber was a 3 1/2-inch arrow-shaped projectile that has given researchers insight into the whale's age, estimated between 115 and 130 years old.

It was probably shot at the whale from a heavy shoulder gun around 1890.

The whale harkens back to far different era. If 130 years old, it would have been born in 1877, the year Rutherford B. Hayes was sworn in as president, when federal Reconstruction troops withdrew from the South and when Thomas Edison unveiled his newest invention, the phonograph.

Technorati tags: Whale, wildlife, whaling, Alaska

Top Ten Things I Learned This Week

In no particular order:

1. Paris Hilton is a whiny rich crybaby.

2. Car shoppers are either extra polite or insufferable assholes.

3. Almost everyone has 'fair' credit.

4. People universally overestimate their credit score.

5. I really can not understand hispanic and middle-eastern accents.

6. I really REALLY like using Vista.

7. I have some of my most stunning, genius-level thoughts on the toilet.

8. Being a Dad is the most rewarding thing I've ever done.

9. I really don't care about what other people think of me anymore.

10. Slurpees are every bit as good as I remember from being a kid.

 

Technorati tags: Top Ten, thoughts, random

Hitler's Worst Day

Forget battling the Allies, genocide and the around-the-clock job of embodying pure evil.  All of that's just child's play.  Adolf Hitler had far, far worse things to deal with. 

 

 

Technorati tags: Adolf Hitler, XBox, Microsoft, Live, ban, gaming, gamerscore, youtube

Heiress Paris Checks Out of the Handcuff Hilton

More proof that money and fame can buy anything. The one person I swore I'd never post about, Paris Hilton is out of jail. The official line is that she's free due to a medical condition, namely she won't eat. I fail to see how this staggering medical condition (which isn't really that much of a departure from her normal behavior) should free her from a sentence anyone else would have to serve.

Medical considerations "played a part" in the decision to offer Hilton home confinement for the remainder of her sentence, Whitmore said.

He said privacy rules prohibited him from giving details about the medical issues, but celebrity Web site TMZ.com earlier quoted sources saying Hilton was refusing to eat much of the jail food served her.

Of course, being one of the most famous people in the world simply for...um...wait a sec...I've got it...uh...well, nothing in particular does have its benefits.

I think Paris' mother was correct when she slammed the legal system, only she claimed it was too harsh. I would claim the opposite. The American Aristocracy is alive and well and fame and fortune are your get out of jail free cards.

Technorati Tags: Paris+Hilton,jail,fame,celebrity,crime

Double-Stacking the Dead

The UK is considering a new method to deal with overcrowding. In cemeteries.

Councils will be allowed to exhume bodies and re-use graves because of a shortage of cemetery space, ministers have said.

Officials will normally be able to re-use burial plots which are more than 100 years old after seeking permission from surviving relatives.

But there could be a case for exhuming corpses after just 75 years "where available space is particularly short...

The preferred way of re-using graves would be a "double decker"-style approach which involves lifting existing remains, deepening the grave and laying a new coffin on top.

Or, as George Carlin once suggested, use golf courses.

 

Technorati tags: UK, England, death, cemeteries, burial, overcrowding

Signs of the Apocalypse Part 34

You know the end of times must be fast approaching when the French are actually taking a harder line on an issue than we are.  I applaud their le balls.

France set tough new quotas for the number of illegal immigrants authorities should arrest and expel each month, the new immigration minister said Monday.

    Brice Hortefeux, who heads the newly created Ministry of Immigration, Integration, National Identity and Co-Development, said a monthly quota also would be set for ferreting out those employed in France illegally.

    In a meeting with security officials, Hortefeux reiterated President Nicolas Sarkozy’s goal of 25,000 expulsions by the end of 2007 - compared with 24,000 in 2006 - and set a year-end goal of 125,000 arrests for alleged illegal entry or illegal residence, a ministry statement said.

I never thought I'd say this, but can we please just be a little bit more like the French now?

 

Technorati tags: France, Sarkozy, politics, immigration, illegal immigration, deportation, quotas

Super-Tijuanamart

I had the most disturbing experience tonight at Wal*Mart. Well, aside from the trauma of actually being at Wal*Mart.  I thought I'd hit the pinnacle of budget-shopping drama the other week when I watched the entire front end staff of the local Wal*Mart chase a couple of shoplifters through the parking lot.  All the while shouts of "I didn't steal nuffin bitch" rang out while the 'alleged' offenders zigzagged between cars like ebonics spewing ghetto pac-men, crapping cd-turds as they ran.

That was amusing.  Tonight was agonizing.  We'd entered another Wal*Mart in the hopes of grabbing a few necessities before heading home for the night.  I am notorious for getting irritated by stupid people in stores, but tonight was something else. 

As I stood alone in the electronics department, trying to leave, I suddenly realized that nobody, not a single soul within 50 feet of me spoke English. In fact, I was literally surrounded by about 30 people all speaking various dialects of what I recognized as Spanish.

Now I have absolutely nothing about my south-of-the border brethren, but all the same it's highly disconcerting to find yourself in that kind of fish out-of-water scenario. 

Then I figured 'Hey, in a non-racist study, I'm going to count the number of Spanish speakers between here and the door.'

 I lost count. I think our Wal*Mart has 'ethnic attractors' built into the walls to pull in people who don't speak English.

I could be wrong though.

 

Technorati tags: Spanish, language, Wal Mart, Mexican, Hispanic, English

I'm Not Your Cabin-Boy

One of the strange phenomena I've seen since working in the car business is the strange need some people have when talking to you on the lot to treat you as their personal errand-boy.  An example: 'I'd like to see the inside of this car, go get the keys.'

A polite response to that would be to simply say 'sure' and go do it.  If I'm in a good enough mood, that's the response I'll usually give.  I'll take a little of that from time to time if I think there's an imminent sale. 

That being said, if you abuse the freebie, I can turn into a real asshole.  One actually WORTHY of being talked to like trash. I make a concerted effort to be a breath of fresh air.  I treat my customers with a lot of respect, more than many of them deserve.  Customers however, think they can just walk onto my lot and treat me like the lowest of the low, and that just won't fly.

Would you walk into a shoe store and start berating the clerk because they don't have the right color? Or how about when you're getting rung up at the register? Do you suddenly feel like being an abrasive prick and start trying to negotiate a lower price on your Nikes, even after the clerk has shown you that they really ARE the cheapest pair you're going to get?

I've been a car buyer too, and I know there are some real arrogant cocksuckers out there who give us a bad name, but please, don't assume we're all evil.  Some of us really do care and really do want to help you find a car you like, and even...gasp...get a good deal.

I'm there to make money and feed my love for cars, not to take shit from blowhard assholes who don't have the dignity to say hello before trying to wheedle down the price of a car.

If you get cocky with me and demand to look inside a car, I'll recommend you try looking in the fucking window.

 

Technorati tags: Cars, dealership, consumer, shopping, negotiation