What It's Really All About

Good news is such a rare find these days that when something truly heartwarming comes along, it's all the more special.  It's little moments like this that really define what life is really all about.  The simplest things in life; family, children, and love are all we really have when all is said and done, and this is a touching reminder of that.

 

 

Technorati tags: war, navy, soldier, iraq, homecoming

Thunder from Heaven

Apartment living has its benefits.  No maintenance and the like, but there are significant drawbacks; especially when you live in an older apartment building like mine. 

For the next 30 days, a crew of hardworking individuals will be waking me up at 7:30 in the morning by dropping what sound like bowling balls on the roof of my top-floor apartment.  So far the noises have sounded like the aforementioned sports equipment, a jackhammer, a hammer, footsteps from someone wearing 500 pound lead shoes, and a drill that sounds like nothing short of a NASCAR spec torque wrench.

I've had what appear to be Mexican Special Forces both rappelling off the roof and scaling ladders to peer in my windows, all under the guise of 'repair work.'

This morning, the thunderous cacaphony began promptly at 7:30 with a loud crash which scared the hell out of me and interrupted my very special, contemplative, ritual morning poop.  The shock was so severe that I nearly sustained sphincter damage from the hypersonic clenching reflex.

Upon returning home from work this evening I found my bathroom fan dislodged from the ceiling, my living room chandelier hanging loosely, cracks around my a/c registers, cracks in some of the walls and doorjambs as well as nails punched out of the ceiling plaster.

I don't know what the hell they're doing up there, but it's more like demolition work at this point.  They've managed to literally break my apartment open like a hardboiled egg.

My only succor at this point would be to see one or two of them tumble off in a suicidal plunge.  Oh well, a guy can dream.

WWI Veteran Dies

Last female U.S. veteran of WWI dies - CNN.com

The last known surviving American female World War I veteran, a refined Civil War buff who in 1916 met with the secretary of the Navy to promote women in the military, has died. She was 109.

Dead Again

There was this case in the hospital’s intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.

So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil……..

Just when the! clock struck 11…

The supernatural power:

Vijay Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

Salt N' Pepa

Speaking purely as someone who grew up in the 80s, I must own these by law.

12 Cylons and 3 Customers

In the car business, potential customers are referred to as 'ups.' Usually this refers to one of two things; either you must get your rear end 'up' and go talk to them when you see them, or it's your turn and you're 'up.'

Some less capable salesmen think it refers to the near erection they get when they realize they may actually get a chance to sell a car, but that's not important at the moment. What matters is that in my journey through the car business I've discovered that there are really only three types of people in the world. You see, a car lot is much like a miniature representation of the world in that people are there looking at things they want to buy, and are forced to interact with other people to get them.

The first type is the most prolific. The smug asshole. To be fair, they come in two variants but are in fact the same assholic creature. One version refuses to acknowledge even the most polite greeting with anything more than a nod. This model will ignore you no matter what you say or how nice you are. They will ignore questions, comments, and probably close-proximity flatulence in their quest to actually humiliate you through lack of recognition almost as if they are either retarded or have no voicebox. They will however, spend an inordinate amount of time reading window stickers and looking at the most minute detail of every car on your lot all the while acting as if you (the lowly salesman) are an actual 6-foot-tall speaking hemmorhoid.

The second variation of this model will do much the same except they will show some initiative and get aggressive enough to be rude to you and tell you to go away after you say something intensely confrontational, like hello.

The second type of customer is the world-class compulsive liar. They will, without fail, promise to:

1. Come back to buy tomorrow
2. Go home and talk it over with their wife/husband
3. Call you back
4. Email you back
5. Give you an actual downpayment
6. Have a credit score high enough to not actually be laughed at by the finance department

Inevitably, these are all lies. Any budding car salesman out there would be better off knowing this. If they leave the lot, you will never see them again. Ever.

Lastly, you have the rarest type of customer. The honest to goodness nice person.This type of customer, while rare, is a necessity given to us in the business directly by God as the only thing that keeps us in a good enough frame of mind to continue to be salesmen. One or two a month and you have just enough faith in humanity to show up for work for another week.

These people will tell you exactly what they want, listen attentively and even give you factual information. They usually even give you a down payment figure that matches (egads!) the actual downpayment they are able to come up with.

I need more of them.


Technorati Tags: cars, car sales, customers, business

South Park Remixed

This is awesome. South Park portraits like you've never seen.