I think my Dad may be the most accomplished, masterful and effortless 
Case in point; today was our famous and traditional family sunday dinner. There’s always a huge spread of food, and there’s myself, my wife, both kids, both parents, and my uncle to devour it all. Without fail, the moment we begin to speak over dinner my Dad transforms into a smoothly efficient, utterly crochety super grumpinator. I have no word for what he is, so youre stuck with grumpinator. He complains about everything.
Here’s an example.
Me: “ This turkey looks great”
Dad: “Yeah but these rolls are ‘cough’ way too dry. They suck, don’t buy these again.”
Mom: “When did you want to get the Christmas decorations off the attic?”
Dad: “Oh Christ, *sigh* just what I need. Now I guess you’ll want to put up the goddamned tree today too.”
Dad: “You know, the neighbor was telling me he’s going to a job interview in Alabama. You know that’s where they have all those ‘porch monkeys’.
I am utterly horrified at the stream of hateful bullshit that comes out of his mouth sometimes. I’m almost afraid to open my mouth around him because it doesn’t matter what I say…well, what anyone says for that matter. It always gets twisted around and mocked, belittled, or grumped about. I just don’t understand how one person can hold that much hostility. I guess maybe it’s a good thing I don’t understand. Some things are better left alone. It sucks that he’s one of them.
