I don't know why I come and go so, but who knows? What's to know? I don't know, so without further delay, have a New Year's Eve show. (Yes, I know it was lame, I'm tired, so piss off.)
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
So Much Coolness, So Little Time
Not that I'm going to get any of them or even have a need for them or even understand them really, but all the same I present the coolest things I found today in no particular order.
1) Just when I thought I was a bit paranoid for noticing that more often than seems possible I seem to see streetlights wink out at my approach, I find out there's actually a whole field of study related to it. I swear it happens.
3) Sometimes you just can't be bothered to run from room to room delivering drinks. Lazy as hell yes. Redundant when you have a wife? Kinda. Cool, hellz yeah.
4) Epic Oops.
5) Knight Rider is coming back. But...as a Mustang you ask? Who gives a shit, it's fucking KNIGHT RIDER. Stop taking it so seriously you nit-picky bastards.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
14000 Years
If you've never heard of it, you're not alone. I only found out about the movie "The Man from Earth" by seeing it pictured on the side of a 'Red Box' video rental machine at WalMart. The cover looked interesting, so I checked it out.
Fantastic. If you enjoy a good, cerebral but not over-your-head movie, this fits the bill. I'm not going to go into any more detail, just get a copy of of it and watch it. You can thank me later.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
My Thoughts Exactly
Pat Sajak of all people managed to voice my exact thoughts on celebrity political endorsements:
"If any group of citizens is uniquely unqualified to tell someone else how to vote, it’s those of us who live in the sheltered, privileged arena of celebrityhood...the idea of choosing the Leader of the Free World based on the advice of someone who lives in the cloistered world of stardom seems a bit loony"
I couldn't have said it better.
More: HERE
More on How Much I Hated The Mist
So the other day I posted what might quite possibly have been the world's shortest movie review. I feel compelled to expand on it for two reasons. First, I haven't really posted at all recently and that, despite my lack of an audience, is kind of a lame and shitty way to maintain a blog. Second, this movie sucked so hard it had to have been spawned from the unwashed asshole of Satan. Nothing else on earth could generate such colossal suck.
I've had a long standing disdain for movies based on Stephen King stories, as they generally aren't fit to spit polish the crap-stained boots of the lowliest b-movie, but this one takes it to a whole new level of wanting my money back - and considering homicidal retribution for the lost two hours I'll never get back. I actually didn't plan on even seeing the movie in the first place but got to the theater just in time to find out they had canceled the late showing of Beowulf, and this was the only other thing that looked like it may have some saving grace. I should have trusted my instincts and just shot myself then.
I remember a week ago or so in the news none other than Stephen King himself was ranting about how anyone who reveals the ending of the movie should be hanged. After having sat through this stupid abortion of a movie, I know why. He knew that anyone who got wind of the real ending wouldn't even bother to set foot in the theater, let alone spend a hard earned 9.75 to find out the movie had stupid obnoxious characters that made me want to hurl sharp and or explosive objects at the screen. Only later to find out it had the most contrived-for-groans ending in movie history.
He killed his kid ten seconds before finding out he was safe. How's that for a spoiler? Save yourself the money and go get a root canal if you want to have the same amount of fun.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
I've got nothin'
2:45 am. Chipotle special forces tried to cross the Demilitarized Sphincter Zone disguised as gas. One infiltrator nearly got through before his disguise was blown.
2:46 am. Entire squad of Chipotle special forces (Brown Berets) captured crossing the border by my Elite Porcelain Guard.
2:47 am. Having sustained minor injuries in the skirmish, I pronounced summary judgment and sent the prisoners downriver, wiping my hands of the matter.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Got Flu?
The flu is a whore. She grabbed hold of my life last Saturday and sucked on it like a 2 dollar French hooker. I'm still running a goddamned fever which no amount of drugs seems to be able to put a dent in. A week of sweating, coughing, vomiting, no sleep and even less food does NOT make for a happy me.
Lung capacity? Who needs it. Appetite? Bah, piss on it. There's something almost dream-like about the altered state of consciousness you enter after enduring a 103+ fever for a few days without sleep, then working a twelve hour day in a car dealership. I wouldn't have bought a car from myself. I would have actually run in fear from the guy who shakily extended a hand in my direction while dripping with sweat in an ice-cold dealership.
Customers aren't picky however, so the pox hasn't really hindered my sales ability. Oh well, today was day two back at work and my ability to eat and retain food has improved drastically. So much so in fact that as a near-Spartan test of my masculinity, I ordered Chipotle for dinner with everyone else tonight. Like a real man, I ate every damn bit of that steak burrito bol. I'm waiting for the inevitable ass-ripping blast of shredded-glass diarrhea that meal usually entails. I guess the best analogy would be it's like shitting napalm. Imagine bloody flames shooting out of your ass and scorching the bowl and you've pretty much nailed it.
Now that I think about it, Chipotle burritos are kind of like the ultimate smart weapon. They target a specific group of risk-taking individuals and selectively take them out of commission between one to four hours after consumption. Perfect in its evil ingenuity.
Ok, enough ranting about my lungs and my ass. How self important do I really need to get? Better things happen in dealerships to talk about. Like....managing to prank the token stupid guy with the Meow game. If you've never seen Super Troopers, stop here and either watch it or look it up. It's classic.
My sales manager and I (both stern non-fans of aforementioned stupid guy) decided it would be funny to see if we could actually get away with inserting random 'Meow's in our discussions with the spongebob stupidpants, and more precisely to see how many of them we could get away with.
This little shenanigan was fucking epic. Stoopy the dumbtard was completely dumbfounded by the fact that every time we said something to him we ended the sentence by laughing hysterically. He was confused. Terribly. Like a retarded baby deer caught in the strobing lights of a UFO confused. (Are there retarded deer?? hmmm...)
Anyway, he asked if he has something on his shirt, his tie, if he'd said something wrong....everything occured to him EXCEPT the fact that we were saying things like "Did you get meow gas in the Honda?"
He's got to be the dumbest person I've ever met in my life. We actually had to explain to him why we were laughing, and we're still not sure he got it.
Oh well, at least he ended the day with a new $50 'Armani' jacket which he bought from a guy in the 7-11 parking lot at lunchtime.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
Black Deeds
If this is true, I'm now officially on the hate-on-Blackwater club.
"...an SUV full of Blackwater operatives had crashed into a U.S. Army Humvee on a street in Baghdad's Green Zone. The colonel, who was involved in a follow-up investigation and spoke on the condition he not be named, said the Blackwater guards disarmed the U.S. Army soldiers and made them lie on the ground at gunpoint until they could disentangle the SUV. His account was confirmed by the head of another private security company..."
That's insane. If these guys are really douchebags of that caliber, I think our boys in uniform would have been well within their rights, once re-armed, to have lit up the Blackwater mercenaries (oh excuse me, private security contractors) just like anyone else who tried the same thing.
I'm curious to see where this story goes, but honestly if shit like this is going on, someone had better be held accountable, and I personally wouldn't shed a tear if one of these overzealous rambo bastards got his ass shot off by a pissed off grunt.
Just my two cents.
Massive, Heaping, Gargantuan Bucket of Fail.
I have a soft spot in my heart for people who have the balls to get up on stage in front of others and show off their talent. This does not extend however to people who get up on stage and show off while knowing full well in advance they have NO talent.
(Found: HERE)
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Steve Jobs Inhaled Today
I'm as much of a tech-fanatic as anybody, but something occurred to me today while plowing through my Google Reader session. I'd hoped that after the release of the iPhone, I'd maybe be able to stop hearing about it. Not only has that not happened, it's gotten worse.
It's like Ubuntu all over again. Now geeks of an order higher than myself have something else to orgasm over. First it was the whole 'I installed Ubuntu on my refrigerator / cell phone / digital clock meme making news every six and a half seconds. As annoying as it was, I could cope with it.
The iPhone thing is getting out of hand. Every time I check out any site with tech news, there's some story about unlocking the iphone, installing a program on it, or downgrading /modifying the firmware. Have we run out of things to talk about in the tech field to such an extent that managing to downgrade the software on a cell phone is actually newsworthy?
Shiny touch-sensitiveness and Apple pedigree apart, it's a fuckin' phone. That's it. When I read stories like this I wonder if people literally have no lives other than sitting around installing linux and hacking phone firmware.
I mean, really. Get the hell out of your apartments and go get laid or something. There's go to be more to life than this.
On a related note, I managed to successfully upgrade the battery in my wireless mouse from a generic brand to a Duracell. Check back soon for a Youtube video of me 'unlocking' the power of my mouse with step by step instructions.
Ugh.
Of Chance and Circumstance
A strange thing happened today. After a frustratingly long day populated by agonizingly dim-witted and credit-challenged time-wasting drecks, I was ready for some amusement, something...anything to make today more interesting than a root canal.
I wasn't disappointed. After all the customers and all the wasted hours trying to get people into cars that Jesus himself wouldn't finance, something worth mentioning actually occurred.
Due to some unforeseen circumstances, the finance office had to be cleared of furniture at the last minute. Unforeseen circumstances being a flooring crew consisting only of what we supposed to be illegal immigrants masquerading as a highly trained tile-installation task force.
Clearing out the desk, some paperwork was found under one of the bottom drawers. That in and of itself isn't that strange. What's strange is that the paperwork was a credit application dated 9/29/05. Exactly two years ago today. Even more surprising, there was a fax printout dated almost to the hour that we found the paperwork.
Less surprising, and even a little ironic was that the fax was a decline letter from one of our lenders. Typical.
A few minutes after that, we swung the desk upright to move it from the office. That act brought on the last little tidbit of high strangeness.
Under the left side of the desk in a recess in the sheet metal was a stick-on air freshener. I'm guessing the previous owner of that desk either was sensitive to smells wafting up from service or else had problems keeping his anal sphincter under control.
These are the strange things that happen in the world of sales.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Americans are NOT giving up sex for the web.
The mainstream media is lying to you. I can prove it.
Surfing the net has become an obsession for many Americans with the majority of U.S. adults feeling they cannot go for a week without going online and one in three giving up friends and sex for the Web....It [a poll] also found that 20 percent said they spend less time having sex because they are online.
I call bullshit on this. Think about it. What are these people trying to accomplish by being online excessively? I'd suggest they're IMing, surfing craigslist personals, prowling Myspace and every other social network and just generally trying to find new people specifically to have sex with.
That's just the way things work on the web. Don't shake your head, you know I'm right.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Forget Web 2.0 - Welcome to Web #1
I'm all for creative ways to get on YouTube, but this is wrong on so very many levels:
A Hartlepool man is facing jail after he urinated on a disabled woman who lay dying in the street.
The 27-year-old shouted "this is YouTube material" as he degraded Christine Lakinski, 50, who had fallen ill, magistrates heard.
Anderson had smoked a cannabis joint and been drinking when he and two friends spotted her.
He tried to rouse her by throwing a bucket of water over her, before urinating on her and covering her with shaving foam.
Lynne Dalton, prosecuting, said: "Although his actions did not contribute to her death it was appalling behaviour that robbed her of any dignity in the last hours of her life."
People suck. Seriously.
(Source: BBC)
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Best Vista Sidebar Gadget Yet
Since I've been using Vista, I've been searching for the perfect set of gadgets for my sidebar. I change the layout quite a bit, but most of the time I find that I'm swapping my clock gadget. All I really wanted was a nice simple digital clock that also shows the date. That's it.
I scoured Microsoft's gadget gallery to no avail, forcing myself to try several analog clocks, but always felt like they just weren't quite what I wanted.
Tonight I managed to find exactly what I was looking for.
Presto's Sidebar Clock, found over on prestonhunt.com is as simple as it gets. It fit the bill perfectly and now has a top-of-the-totem-pole position in my sidebar.
I highly recommend it.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Grief Is an Odd Thing
Depression and grief know no bounds.
Florence Irene Ford
September 3, 1861 - October 30, 1871
Ten-year-old Florence died of yellow fever.
During her short life she was extremely frightened of storms and whenever one occurred she would rush to her mother to find comfort.
Upon her death her mother was so struck with grief that she had Florence's casket constructed with a glass window at the child’s head. The grave was dug to provide an area, the same depth of the coffin, at the child’s head, but this area had steps that would allow the mother to descend to her daughter’s level so she could comfort Florence during storms.
To shelter the mother during storms, hinged metal trap doors were installed over the area the mother would occupy while at her child’s grave.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Madonna's Got Something In the Groove
I'm not one to really care much about celebrities, and even less about what they buy. I just thought this was a great shot. Check out her one eyed, one horned, pulsing purple polymer pecker.
Technorati tags: Madonna
Rapist to Go Nutless for Reduced Term
Talk about choosing the lesser of two evils. Let's see...life in prison...or...get your balls cut off and be out in 25. Take this as a perfect example of why crime most assuredly does NOT pay.
Bobby James Allen pleaded guilty Monday to three counts of armed sexual battery and various other charges involving attacks that happened in 1998 and 1999. Allen filed a motion requesting castration in exchange for a reduced sentence.
Circuit Judge Michael Overstreet agreed to sentence Allen to 25 years' prison on Sept. 20 if has the procedure in the next eight days. If Allen does not go through with the operation, he faces up to life in prison.
"You understand that this procedure is the removal of your testicles?" Overstreet asked Allen.
"I have spoken with all the victims," prosecutor Larry Basford told Overstreet. "They agree that this sentence punishes him and would deter him and others from similar acts."
I want to go hug mine right now and tell them it's going to be alright.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Friday, September 7, 2007
I'll Be Trading In My Tricycle
I see plenty of strange things working in the car business, but the other day I saw something completely fresh and new.
Standing in the showroom, I saw a Dodge Durango pull on the lot and cruise slowly around, stopping briefly several times before disappearing behind the building. Moments later, it reappeared on the other side and stopped. The right rear passenger door popped open and a boy who could not possibly have been a day over age ten got out.
I took a deep breath and readied myself to greet the rest of the family, but no one else emerged. The boy walked around the car, walked down the row of cars in front of the showroom and looked inside each, noting the price on the window sticker.
I shot a glance back at the Durango and saw 'Dad' shouting orders at the boy. I've seen people run for their cars at my approach, had people yell at me for saying hi but never once have I had someone so mortified of talking to a salesman that they shove their own child out the door and onto the lot.
What kind of family dynamic is that? And how big of a sissy do you have to be to send your ten year old out to look so you don't have to talk to me?
I walked out the door, cruised right past the Durango, and introduced myself to the kid, handing him a business card in full view of the stunned family.
The things I have to deal with.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Some People Have All the Luck
For most people, getting shot outside their home might be an indicator they live in a crappy neighborhood. Some people seem not to mind so much.
"A 25-year-old Frederick man was shot early Monday (Sept. 3rd) morning at Country Hill Apartments...police received the call at 3:37 a.m., and found Brandon Joseph McCallister with a gunshot wound to the lower side of his abdomen.
On Aug. 11, McCallister was shot in the lower body in another incident on Heather Ridge Drive. At that time, McCallister was found with several gunshot wounds..."
I'd suggest either moving or finding a line of work that doesn't involve standing outside on street-corners at 3:30 in the morning. Just my two cents.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Border Patrol Chief: We don't do borders.
Every now and then something happens to make the news that just staggers the mind. It's almost as if some people are either so incredibly stupid or contrary that they make statements they can't possibly themselves believe.
Take for instance the Border Patrol head who is adamant that his job is not to protect our borders.
"I've said it before and I'll say it again," Carlos X. Carrillo, Border Patrol chief of Laredo, Texas, told guests at a town-hall meeting Thursday. "The Border Patrol's job is not to stop illegal immigrants. The Border Patrol's job is not to stop narcotics. ... The Border Patrol's mission is not to stop criminals."
Carillo is either totally incompetent, or first in line for a high-paying executive position within the North American Union. He's towing someone's company line, but it sure isn't the Border Patrol's.
Surely I jest, right?
T.J. Bonner, president of the National Border Patrol Council, a union representing 12,000 front-line agents, said he was baffled by the Laredo chief's statements.
"It is shocking that such a high-ranking official would make a statement that is so completely at odds with the law and the Border Patrol's mission," Mr. Bonner said. "It is equally disturbing that no one at a higher level has taken any steps to reassure employees and the public that the Border Patrol will continue to intercept all illicit traffic that it encounters.
In fact, Carillo contends the sole job of the Border Patrol is to stop terrorists from getting into the country, not illegal immigrants. Yep.
But wait: here comes the back-pedal.
David Aguilar, head of the Border Patrol, defended Mr. Carrillo and said his comments were taken out of context.
"Our mission is to protect our country's borders from all threats," Mr. Aguilar said. "Our highest priority is keeping terrorists and terrorist weapons from entering our country.
"We have never, nor will we ever, decrease or minimize our aggressive efforts in enforcing the rule of law."
One of these two men is either lying or ignorant. Either way that's a bad thing.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Where You At?
Once again life has kept me from updating, but not from having more of my patented bizarre, scandalous and shocking adventures.
Today's adventure was of the benign variety, so let the gory details commence.
While changing a diaper today, I noticed something large and blue inside my daughter's nose. Now, being a father I've seen many multicolored things come out of places you wouldn't expect, but this one struck me as unusual. I called the wife over for backup, and she immediately recognized the blue, nostril-blocking obstruction as - an aquadot. My children have never been the type to taste things they shouldn't, or insert things into their head...until today.
I can't explain why, but Aeryn apparently thought it would be fun to ram an actual frigging aquadot into her skull.
She gave us no clue it was in there; it was only my obsessive fatherly booger-check that detected it in the first place.
She held remarkably still while doctor mom removed it with a pair of tweezers, thus saving the day. Fittingly, she followed up with a diaper full of irish-green, pasty, sticky napalm-poop. It was the kind of thing you'd see if she'd eaten and digested a leprechaun. It was nauseating, though strangely fruity smelling, but I digress.
Between this adventure and Jack's geyser-like pus-filled infected leg of doom last month, I've had my fill of kids in distress for a while.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Full Throttle
Today was an exercise in futility. It seemed as though no matter what I did I was assaulted by idiots. Literally within ten minutes of getting to work today I was called by a woman who claimed she'd seen an ad for our dealership offering 0% financing. On used cars.
I then spent the next ten minutes trying to get her to understand that I can't simply give her an interest rate over the phone. There are a few little issues like credit worthiness and oh, um, maybe an actual vehicle that need to be discussed first.
I don't have the mental energy to recount the whole sordid affair so I'll leave you with this. Here comes your daily WTF.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Share the Road
I'm not a motorcycle owner or rider myself, and since I have an aversion to being turned into actual Chris-burger, I'm going to keep it that way. I know a lot of people who do ride them, and I do my best to be courteous to bikers on the road.
That sentiment is a two way street. The other morning on the way in to work, some ignorant teenage little shit with a crotch rocket decided to weave in and out of traffic on a crowded highway with no signals, no regard for cars, and apparently no concern for his own safety. Traffic was moving at a steady 85 mph and in his effort to break the Maryland land-speed record, he nearly careened into several cars, and was almost knocked off an embankment due to his failure to look around and make sure there were no cars where he tried to weave.
I was certain beyond all doubt that he was going to cause a major multiple car pileup, and was going to be flung, crushed or gutted as a result. Several near misses later, he accelerated so quickly I lost visual contact with him. On a straightaway.
I kept waiting to see road-pizza and a mangled ninja, but alas, he escaped that fate...at least temporarily.
Oh well. Maybe next time.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Al Qaeda Still Hates Us
Here's a real stunner:
Al Qaeda is stepping up its efforts to sneak terror operatives into the United States and has acquired most of the capabilities it needs to strike here, according to a new U.S. intelligence assessment, The Associated Press has learned.
The terror group has been able to restore three of the four key tools it would need to launch an attack on U.S. soil: a safe haven in Pakistan's tribal areas, operational lieutenants and senior leaders. It could not immediately be learned what the missing fourth element is.
Just in case you had any doubts that is. Let the fear and panic commence.
The WTF Files: Case# 89231-9928
So I sat here and thought 'I should check my referrer logs.' All was well until I went and found this. All I really want is an explanation. Oh, and let me add that this is NOT the only instance of this particular search term....and they ALL come from Saudi Arabia.
I mean really, who the hell searches for this shit? Is there nothing better to do over there? What the hell would possess someone to even dream that up?
Goofy bastards.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
And Yet They Breathe and Walk Among Us
Stupid people are everywhere. It's a simple fact that many outwardly intelligent and seemingly harmless people are in fact dangerously devoid of brainpower.
Somehow we as a society have chosen to let them walk among us unchecked, unfettered by such trivial things as common sense. This is a crime that needs to be rectified immediately.
Working in car sales has only deepened my sad impression of the human race as a whole. It's ironic really that although the general public has a low opinion of people in my profession it turns out that car-buyers are in fact the most ignorant, rude, pathological liars and, to bring in the mandatory 19th century lingo, 'dunderheaded louts' ever unleashed on this poor unsuspecting world.
It amazes me on a daily basis that in this age of free information people have no idea how things really work. Simple, everyday things like interest. I had a customer a few days ago who came in to our store loudly proclaiming that he'd 'buy a pickup of ours today' if we'd lower the price. Retail price on the truck was $23,000. Our price was $16,000. This was not a good enough deal for him. He wanted our truck, including some six THOUSAND dollars of negative equity from his trade to come out to 250 a month.
Upon running his credit (Equifax actually stuck up their collective middle finger at him) it was pretty apparent that we weren't going to get him anywhere near that payment. He hemmed and hawed and stewed and finally whipped out a calculator and demanded my full attention.
I leaned over the table as he commenced pulling numbers out of his ass and input them one after another into the calculator showing me what he felt the final price of the truck should be. He attempted feebly to explain to me what he was doing but it was so incredibly wrong as to be unable to follow.
He then told me that he should have an interest rate of ten percent as he took his final price and divided it by 72 to calculate what he felt a six-year payment would be.
My eyes hurt, my head was pounding and I wanted to desperately to just tell him to leave as he was keeping me from someone who actually could buy a car. Instead, my professionalism took over and I stood there in awe of his magical $292 truck payment.
I then took the opportunity to extricate myself from the situation by turning him over to my sales manager who sat him down and patiently introduced him to the concept of creditworthiness and the related concept of 'interest'. He seemed utterly incapable of comprehending in any way shape or form how his $292 turned into $440 when we used what we like to term 'real, actual, honest to god math.'
Needless to say, he stormed out cursing us and our obvious desire to NOT sell him a car.
It's no wonder I sometimes close my eyes and wish people would have to pass an IQ test before being allowed to procreate.
Monday, July 9, 2007
Thursday, July 5, 2007
What Can Brown Do For You?
There's a nefarious theme to this post. I'm sure you, my legions of loyal minions fans will figure it out easily.
For tonight's perusal I bring you a tale of Craigslist. More specifically, a tale of sphincter puppetry bordering on the grotesque. A warning to those among you who consume beverages whilst simultaneously consuming blog posts; put the beverage down. This one could get ugly.
For those of you still in the dark as to tonight's theme, I empathize and encourage you to sit and think, and maybe stew for a bit.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Let the Kids be Kids
I'm not the type to sit around and comment about how back in the early 80s when I was a kid things were infinitely better than they are now, but at least back then we were allowed to be kids.
Every show on Saturday morning TV was nothing more than a half-hour commercial for toys or cereal in cartoon form. Our toys shot spring-loaded missiles and rockets, were made of metal, and probably some of them had lead paint.
Yet somehow, in an act of sheer defiance which remains unfathomable to today's prevalent sense of over-regulation and over-protection, most of us survived. Our eyes weren't shot out by GI Joe friendly fire. We watched Transformers, played with them, and hit each other in the head with them, and we're not all raving sociopaths.
My generation sustained a heavy barrage of marketing from birth and yet, here we stand.
Which brings me to this sad commentary on the state of our culture.
A child advocacy group complained Thursday to the Federal Trade Commission that ads and toys tied to the upcoming "Transformers" movie are aimed at children as young as 2 years old even though the film is rated PG-13.
Oh my GOD. The inhumanity. We must not continue to expose our children to Transformers. Children all around the country and perhaps even the world will cry themselves to sleep with visions of transformers in their heads.
"Transformers," due to be released nationwide July 4, is rated PG-13 for violence and other content. Hasbro has released dozens of toys related to the film, some for children as young as 3 years old.
It's so nice to know that there's so little else wrong with the world that our attention can now be turned to solving this crisis.
Maybe this has changed since I grew up, and I could be off base here but I had a mother and a father that monitored what I watched and could either take me to a movie or in some cases even tell me no. They could choose to buy me a toy, or, and this is where it gets good, they could say no.
Marketing is always going to exist, it's the nature of the capitalistic way of life we know. Groups like the CCFC are certainly well-meaning, but the impetus here must be on parents to decide if their children should be exposed to certain movies, toys, music, and so on. Launching an all out war on marketing Transformers to kids is foolish as it attempts to take responsibility from parents, and assumes that there is irreparable damage being done here. I highly doubt a child today is going to grow up to be a serial killer because he might catch a glimpse of Optimus Prime punching Megatron.
I've seen that hundreds of times in my life and I think I turned out ok.
Common sense and personal responsibility are the keys here. Let parents do their jobs and let kids be kids.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
I Have Seen The Promised Land
Last night my eyes were witness to the greatest movie I've ever seen. I went to a sneak preview of Transformers late last night, and it was worth every single second of anticipation. It was worth every minute of the 20 plus years I've dreamt of seeing exactly what I got last night on the big screen. I really don't have a single complaint. The pacing was great. The humor was genuinely funny. The action kicked insane amounts of ass. I felt like paying for the movie again when I left.
I'm not entirely convinced that I blinked during the whole thing. This is the first movie I've ever been to where the audience actually clapped and cheered for it as the end credits began to roll.
I knew I was in for an amazing time after the first five or so minutes. Once you see 'Blackout' do his thing, you can't help but be hooked.
The only bad thing is that now I have to find time to see it about eight more times in the theater. I will build a shrine to the greatness that is the sheer joy of this movie.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Hard Time Out
Philippine police chased down an unfit thief on Tuesday after he ran out of breath and asked his pursuers for a "time out".
Buenceso said the man and an accomplice broke into a house in the Philippine capital and stole two expensive mobile phones. Screams from the residence alerted a local police patrol, which gave chase.
The robber asked for a "time out" using hand signals.
It's refreshing to know that stupidity is universal.
Monday, June 25, 2007
The Squared Circle Gets Smaller
Although I'm not really what you'd call a huge fan of pro-wrestling, I do enjoy it from time to time. I might not be able to give you detailed histories of the wrestlers, but I'm familiar with a lot of their names and such, and know a little bit about the sport.
Even to someone with such a passing familiarity, I was shocked by the news that Chris Benoit was found dead today with his family. Tentative reports are saying that it appears to be a double-murder/suicide. Needless to say, anytime this type of thing happens to any family, famous or not, it's shocking.
I'm sure in the days ahead the story will come to light, but until then, my thoughts are with the family members who have lost so much today, and with the wrestling fans who lost a hero cold blooded killer.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Some Things You Never Forget
There are certain things in life you never really manage to let go of. They may slip out of conscious memory to be replaced by a thousand things, but in the dark recesses of the mind they wait until beckoned by an exact stimulus.
The giddy, excited rush I got as a kid when I saw Megatron on TV - and heard his distinctive voice - is one of them.
I didn't realize exactly how much of a Transformers geek I really am until I watched this clip, and heard Frank Welker slowly slip into character and literally send chills up my spine as once again, the unforgettable voice of Megatron speaks.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
If Rumors Were Horses...
If these new rumors about Battlestar Galactica are true, it just got cooler by a factor of about a hundred. No, I'm not referring to the inferred lesbian relationship between Admiral Cain and Gina (since lesbian cyborg/human relationships don't really do anything for me.)
I'm talking about some retro 70s Cylon goodness.
"[R]umors were out that the original Cylon models from the 1970s ABC series would make a cameo appearance in the telemovie...they will likely get more screen time than the new versions first introduced in the 2003 miniseries.
They are going to have the same voice, the same sparkle, the same type of ships, everything," the source said. "
Finally, some non-Transformers news to geek-out to.
The WTF Files: Case # 34399812992
It's unavoidable. Every once in a while a news story comes along that grabs your attention with one piece of information, then sucker-punches you with another. Witness the following:
Hemmed in by six court and correction officers, Richard Glawson, his jaw set, pleaded not guilty yesterday to new charges that include the threatened slaughter of a jury.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I’ll kill all of you if you find me guilty of any one charge, and that goes for your family, too,” the 46-year-old hissed in court last month, according to prosecutors.
That was the 'hook'. Here comes the knockout punch:
He is further charged with using restraints to break a window in the court cell where he made mosaic art out of two bologna and cheese sandwiches.
Yep.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Muslims Are Pissed Off Again, Film at 11
Barely a day goes by without more news of Muslims being pissed off at something else and yelling and screaming for blood and death. Today is no different:
Outrage over Salman Rushdie's knighthood threatened to ignite across the Muslim world yesterday.
"The West is accusing Muslims of extremism and terrorism," he told his country's parliament.
"If someone exploded a bomb on his body he would be right to do so, unless the British government apologises and withdraws the 'sir' title."
So, remind me again why we in the west tend to think of Muslims as prone to extremism and terrorism?
It couldn't be because
Large teams of newly trained suicide bombers are being sent to the United States and Europe, according to evidence contained on a new videotape obtained by the Blotter on ABCNews.com.
Could it? No, of course not. I guess I'm just Islamophobic.
Technorati tags: Islam, Salman Rushdie, Jihad, Fatwa, Iran, Muslims, Terrorism, knighthood, extremism, suicide bomber
A Walk in the Park
We took the kids to a nice park on the quiet end of town tonight. Home to several baseball fields, there's also a nice dual-playground setup surrounded by a forest so we can sit and watch the kids romp about.
One of the two playgrounds is set up more for older children, and one is built on nice thick foam padding and is geared more for the younger ones. When we arrived, aside from an organized game of softball on the nearby diamond, the playground was empty.
For a while the kids had the run of the playground and were laughing and carrying on and generally having a good time. Minutes later a gold, heavily blinged-out Lexus RX300 spat out two adolescents and their mother and grandmother who felt compelled to sit just off the side of the playground and chat while half-assedly holding the tiny leash attached to their barking, yapping, snarling pit bull.
Who the hell brings a god damned pit bull to a playground? That's like taking a fat guy to a farm with young twinkies running and covorting in a sugar-coated, glistening field of icing.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
The Chronicles of Suburbia
Father's Day has come and nearly gone and this year I wonder if I have much of a relationship with my father left. All we ever talk about anymore is money and how miserable and broke he is. On top of that, through some roundabout means it always ends up being my fault somehow.
I know I've had some money woes over the years and he's bailed me out of a fair number of them. I also know that I've not borrowed the amount he seems to think I have. I managed to work hard, pull myself up from my bootstraps, and while I'm not getting rich at the moment, we once again are a two car family, and are getting by.
Dad on the other hand, since retiring, seems to think that he gets poorer and poorer with each passing moment, and can't afford to replace the colossal hunk of shit Daewoo Nubira he drives. If I can afford two cars, he can certainly afford one.
That's another entire post though and I don't want to get bogged down in it anymore at the moment than I already have.
The kids woke me up this morning with an adorable card and lots of smiles and hugs. We got out and about, starting with breakfast at Dunkin' Donuts. What more does a guy need, really?
All in all I'd have to say that with the exception of dealing with MY dad, Father's Day went off without a hitch.
On a totally unrelated side note, I recently picked up a Net10 prepaid cellphone and so far, I'm really impressed. Reloading it with minutes is a hell of a lot cheaper than the old T-Mobile phone I used, and the coverage so far is fantastic. Nice clear calls, and a great signal everywhere I've used it. Not to mention the 300 FREE minutes I got just for activating it.
I've heard so many ungodly horror stories from people on actual cell contracts that I decided this way was the best way to go, and I have no complaints.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Like TV Only Better
I posted once about accidentally tuning in to an old-time radio western while I was driving and how much I actually enjoyed the experience, much to my surprise.
Since then, given the time constraints involved with being a car salesman and a dad, I haven't had as much time to indulge this fascination as I might have wanted. In fact, I nearly forgot about it.
By some random twist of fate, I came across this site, which has a large assortment of old-time sci-fi and horror radio-plays. I highly recommend trying a few. Turn off the lights, turn off your monitor, and close your eyes. You might just be as surprised as I was at exactly how much fun it is to let a little good old-fashioned imagination be your entertainment for a bit.
A Whale of a Tale
I find this fascinating even though it's a sad, ignoble ending to a magnificent creature.
A 50-ton bowhead whale caught off the Alaskan coast last month had a weapon fragment embedded in its neck that showed it survived a similar hunt — more than a century ago. Embedded deep under its blubber was a 3 1/2-inch arrow-shaped projectile that has given researchers insight into the whale's age, estimated between 115 and 130 years old.
It was probably shot at the whale from a heavy shoulder gun around 1890.
The whale harkens back to far different era. If 130 years old, it would have been born in 1877, the year Rutherford B. Hayes was sworn in as president, when federal Reconstruction troops withdrew from the South and when Thomas Edison unveiled his newest invention, the phonograph.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Top Ten Things I Learned This Week
In no particular order:
1. Paris Hilton is a whiny rich crybaby.
2. Car shoppers are either extra polite or insufferable assholes.
3. Almost everyone has 'fair' credit.
4. People universally overestimate their credit score.
5. I really can not understand hispanic and middle-eastern accents.
6. I really REALLY like using Vista.
7. I have some of my most stunning, genius-level thoughts on the toilet.
8. Being a Dad is the most rewarding thing I've ever done.
9. I really don't care about what other people think of me anymore.
10. Slurpees are every bit as good as I remember from being a kid.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Hitler's Worst Day
Forget battling the Allies, genocide and the around-the-clock job of embodying pure evil. All of that's just child's play. Adolf Hitler had far, far worse things to deal with.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Heiress Paris Checks Out of the Handcuff Hilton
More proof that money and fame can buy anything. The one person I swore I'd never post about, Paris Hilton is out of jail. The official line is that she's free due to a medical condition, namely she won't eat. I fail to see how this staggering medical condition (which isn't really that much of a departure from her normal behavior) should free her from a sentence anyone else would have to serve.
Medical considerations "played a part" in the decision to offer Hilton home confinement for the remainder of her sentence, Whitmore said.He said privacy rules prohibited him from giving details about the medical issues, but celebrity Web site TMZ.com earlier quoted sources saying Hilton was refusing to eat much of the jail food served her.
Of course, being one of the most famous people in the world simply for...um...wait a sec...I've got it...uh...well, nothing in particular does have its benefits.
I think Paris' mother was correct when she slammed the legal system, only she claimed it was too harsh. I would claim the opposite. The American Aristocracy is alive and well and fame and fortune are your get out of jail free cards.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Double-Stacking the Dead
The UK is considering a new method to deal with overcrowding. In cemeteries.
Councils will be allowed to exhume bodies and re-use graves because of a shortage of cemetery space, ministers have said.
Officials will normally be able to re-use burial plots which are more than 100 years old after seeking permission from surviving relatives.
But there could be a case for exhuming corpses after just 75 years "where available space is particularly short...
The preferred way of re-using graves would be a "double decker"-style approach which involves lifting existing remains, deepening the grave and laying a new coffin on top.
Or, as George Carlin once suggested, use golf courses.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Signs of the Apocalypse Part 34
You know the end of times must be fast approaching when the French are actually taking a harder line on an issue than we are. I applaud their le balls.
France set tough new quotas for the number of illegal immigrants authorities should arrest and expel each month, the new immigration minister said Monday.
Brice Hortefeux, who heads the newly created Ministry of Immigration, Integration, National Identity and Co-Development, said a monthly quota also would be set for ferreting out those employed in France illegally.
In a meeting with security officials, Hortefeux reiterated President Nicolas Sarkozy’s goal of 25,000 expulsions by the end of 2007 - compared with 24,000 in 2006 - and set a year-end goal of 125,000 arrests for alleged illegal entry or illegal residence, a ministry statement said.
I never thought I'd say this, but can we please just be a little bit more like the French now?
Super-Tijuanamart
I had the most disturbing experience tonight at Wal*Mart. Well, aside from the trauma of actually being at Wal*Mart. I thought I'd hit the pinnacle of budget-shopping drama the other week when I watched the entire front end staff of the local Wal*Mart chase a couple of shoplifters through the parking lot. All the while shouts of "I didn't steal nuffin bitch" rang out while the 'alleged' offenders zigzagged between cars like ebonics spewing ghetto pac-men, crapping cd-turds as they ran.
That was amusing. Tonight was agonizing. We'd entered another Wal*Mart in the hopes of grabbing a few necessities before heading home for the night. I am notorious for getting irritated by stupid people in stores, but tonight was something else.
As I stood alone in the electronics department, trying to leave, I suddenly realized that nobody, not a single soul within 50 feet of me spoke English. In fact, I was literally surrounded by about 30 people all speaking various dialects of what I recognized as Spanish.
Now I have absolutely nothing about my south-of-the border brethren, but all the same it's highly disconcerting to find yourself in that kind of fish out-of-water scenario.
Then I figured 'Hey, in a non-racist study, I'm going to count the number of Spanish speakers between here and the door.'
I lost count. I think our Wal*Mart has 'ethnic attractors' built into the walls to pull in people who don't speak English.
I could be wrong though.
Friday, June 1, 2007
I'm Not Your Cabin-Boy
One of the strange phenomena I've seen since working in the car business is the strange need some people have when talking to you on the lot to treat you as their personal errand-boy. An example: 'I'd like to see the inside of this car, go get the keys.'
A polite response to that would be to simply say 'sure' and go do it. If I'm in a good enough mood, that's the response I'll usually give. I'll take a little of that from time to time if I think there's an imminent sale.
That being said, if you abuse the freebie, I can turn into a real asshole. One actually WORTHY of being talked to like trash. I make a concerted effort to be a breath of fresh air. I treat my customers with a lot of respect, more than many of them deserve. Customers however, think they can just walk onto my lot and treat me like the lowest of the low, and that just won't fly.
Would you walk into a shoe store and start berating the clerk because they don't have the right color? Or how about when you're getting rung up at the register? Do you suddenly feel like being an abrasive prick and start trying to negotiate a lower price on your Nikes, even after the clerk has shown you that they really ARE the cheapest pair you're going to get?
I've been a car buyer too, and I know there are some real arrogant cocksuckers out there who give us a bad name, but please, don't assume we're all evil. Some of us really do care and really do want to help you find a car you like, and even...gasp...get a good deal.
I'm there to make money and feed my love for cars, not to take shit from blowhard assholes who don't have the dignity to say hello before trying to wheedle down the price of a car.
If you get cocky with me and demand to look inside a car, I'll recommend you try looking in the fucking window.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Blinded by Bling - Totally NSFW
If you don't laugh at this, something's wrong with you. I present Bling Ballz.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Where Can My Honey Be[e]?
Remember all that hype about bees disappearing? They've all gone to the UK.
A passenger plane was forced to land after flying into a swarm of British bees Thursday...[the] plane's engine was thought to have become clogged with bees, the company said Friday.Huge clouds of bees have been seen around Bournemouth over the past few days, a spokeswoman said.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Truth in Politics
House Minority Leader John Boehner, speaking to a private gathering of Republican activists last night, called the Senate's immigration compromise bill a "piece of shit" but said that he had promised President Bush earlier in the day that he would let his teeth be a barrier to such thoughts in public.
I admire this type of candor, even if it is unofficial. It's too bad the rest of the career politicians in DC let their wallets act as barriers to doing the right thing in public.
Technorati tags: John Boehner, House of Representatives, Congress, Illegal immigration, politics, partisan, Bush, border
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Dora's Evil Twin
I've gone on record as a harsh critic of children's television, and Dora the Exploiter...er...Explorer in particular. And now, from the annals of Youtube, I bring you my sentiments made real courtesy of SNL.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
More Mexican Mayhem
The United States has been up to no good again. What with our lax enforcement of laws against illegal firearms leaving the country in the dead of night under their own power.
Four police officers have been killed and several other people abducted in the northern Mexican state of Sonora.
A group of about 40 armed men entered the town of Cananea near the US border and kidnapped the policemen from their patrol cars, reports said.
Our bad. Totally.
Almost 800 people are thought to have been killed in Mexico in drug-related violence so far this year, despite efforts to crack down on drug gangs.
Damn us and our guns.
Elsewhere, authorities in the northern state of Coahuila said men disguised as Mexican federal agents captured the state's chief anti-kidnapping investigator, AP said.
Actually, that's kind of funny in a sad, ironic way.
Enter the Strandbeest
Ever hear of Theo Jansen? Me either. My loss. He's amazing.
[He] is an artist and kinetic sculptor living and working in Holland. He builds large works which resemble skeletons of animals which are able to walk using the wind on the beaches of the Netherlands...[he] is dedicated to creating artificial life through the use of genetic algorithms. These programs simulate evolution inside their code.
Not convinced?
How about now?
Technorati tags: Theo Jansen, art, Netherlands, kinetic sculpture, evolution, genetic algorithm, science, engineering, artificial life
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