Any way you look at it…

True.  Funny, but true.

Dead Ed

Ed McMahon, former Tonight Show sidekick, Publishers Clearning House shill and Cash4Gold faceman has died.

That was the obligatory celebrity obit for the year, now back to shit that actually matters.

On the Lighter Side

This chick is a total keeper.

Can u do this

Jurassic Park Re-imagined.

I like this one better.

Things I Learned From Twitter

Glad I’ve never been to Vegas.

The Players, Unmasked.

The charade must end.

Intense Debate=Intense Replaced

After the digital abortion that removing Intense Debate turned out to be, I’ve decided that flashy overyhyped Ajax comment systems basically suck.  So, welcome back standard issue comments.  ID worked fine for about two days, then my ‘recent comments’ widget failed.  First on Firefox, then on IE.  It actually suffered a cascade failure for some unknown reason.  Other widgets from ID still worked, but the recent comments one was utterly MIA. 

Comments would randomly disappear from my dashboard, from the site, it was pretty piss poor, considering I made no configuration changes to it after it was installed.  After spending an inordinate amount of time trying to fix it, I finally gave up and switched to my backup theme several months ahead of schedule. So, here it is, the new, in progress version.  Thanks to those that commented on my COD map pack 2 thread…sorry your comments were all wiped out after the change.

Testing the new theme

This is only a test.  Had this been an actual post, the title you just saw would have been followed by actual content.

Intense Debate is Screwed Up Again

For some reason, the option to add comments is only sporadically appearing on my posts.  It seems you’ve got to click on the post title itself to then add comments.  This is most certainly uncool.  Looks like I’ll be ripping out Intense Debate and replacing it for this and other reasons.…though I’m having similar problems with Disqus on another site.  Are there any comment systems that don’t suck?

Call of Duty: Waw Map Pack 2

First impressions of Map Pack 2: Awesome.  I played each of the three new MP maps (didn’t get time for Japanese Zombies) and I have to say, each has a different feel, and is very well thought out and developed.  Banzai is essentially Bridge on the River Kwai with perks.  Lots of routes back and forth, lush jungle scenery, and just big enough to feel big without being huge (I’m looking at you, Airfield.)  This map seems to cater to rifles and machine guns.

Corrosion is a smaller, industrial map with lots of sniping spots and ambush locations.  Definitely more submachine gun and shotty action here.  Being a smaller map, it’s also a lot faster paced.

Rounding out the package is Sub Pens, an almost claustrophobically small map which is also a shotgun and SMG lover’s heaven.  Lots of good choke points lead to some pretty pitched fighting.  Snipers are not left out here though, as the main sub-bay is wide enough for some serious control room to control room sniper matches.  I used an SVT-40 with an aperture sight and cleaned up with it.

Listening to the Xbox Live chatter, the reaction was very much positive, and I have to second the opinion.  These well-designed maps definitely breathe some new life into the World at War gameplay.

Pair that with double XP from now through Tuesday the 16th, and it’s a knockout combination.

Verdict: 5/5  Treyarch knocked this one out of the ballpark, and I haven’t even checked out the new zombie mode.

Sometimes You Just Know

I’ve had days like this. 

Celebrity Lookalike

I present, NOT Tom Cruise.

Grammar Nazi Grammar Fail

Your WIN is actually FAIL and thus WIN.  The 4chan cycle of life is complete.

I Bring You: Guns.

Oh god I love this shit:

Want.

A simple link for your enjoyment.

Fuck You, Apple

This shit really pisses me off.  What in the hell…I just opened iTunes and guess what I got treated to?

One of these things is most definitely not like the others.  I’ve tolerated a lot of shit from this hippie sandal-wearing cult of personality, but come the fuck on. I’m so tired of this tolerance and acceptance garbage. I don’t have to tolerate or accept shit. Why is it that every gay person on earth apparently feels the need to let their sexuality define them?  ‘Oh hi, I’m Andy, I’m gay.’

I don’t walk up to people and say ‘Hi, I’m Chris, I like tits!’  I mean, who really cares?  I don’t give a shit if you want to go play excalibur in the corner with a leathered up biker dude, just don’t come over and tell me all about it, because I really don’t wanna know.  Similiarly, I don’t care how many Playboy models you claim you get it on with on a daily basis.  What you do with your junk on your own time is your own business.

Don’t give me this shit about ‘oooh, it’s a lifestyle…’ fuck you.  Kayaking is a lifestyle.  Being gay is a behavior.

I have the displeasure of living about an hour from DC, which is pretty much this coast’s San Francisco and I see enough gay pride stickers, rainbow decals, pink triangles, and all that happy horseshit on a daily basis.  Now I can’t even fucking open iTunes to check out new music without having to see this crap. 

Before any one of you assholes out there start playing the religion card, let me just tell you, religion has nothing to do with the fact that I don’t appreciate this stuff.  Again, I direct your attention to the first paragraph of this post.  You could be the gayest sonofabitch this planet ever produced…you could literally fart showtunes and shit studded leather and I wouldn’t care.  Just don’t involve me in it.  I don’t care where you shove your junk. I do not fucking care.  If you are so vapid and shallow as to feel the need to define yourself by what you screw, then I really and truly pity you.

Czech This Out

Facebook Danger #254-7B

Subject: Your Family Portrait
Detail:    Ends up on Czech storefront.
Conclusion: Creepy

Flight 447 Where Are You?

Remember yesterday when the news was filled with updates about wreckage of Air France 447 being found?

Not so much.  These ‘investigators’ and I use the term loosely, are a bunch of clueless idiots. Here’s a sample:

Among the debris was a wooden pallet that they believed had been used to load luggage on to the plane, which disappeared over the Atlantic early Monday morning with 228 people on board. 

Brigadier Ramon Cardoso, director of Brazilian air traffic control, said: 'We confirm that the pallet found is not part of the debris of the plane. It's a pallet that was in the area, but considered more to be trash,' he said.

He added the Airbus that vanished on Monday did not have any wooden pallets on board.

'That's how we can confirm that the pallet isn't part of the remains of the aircraft,' Cardoso said.

Holy shit.  I bow in awe of the Holmesian logic. I’m also curious as to why ‘officials’ are chomping at the bit to hammer home the point that the flight data recorders likely won’t be found.

I mean, it’s not like

Air France received a false bomb threat for a flight from Argentina to Paris days before a plane went missing over the Atlantic.

No way that could be connected right?

France's defense minister earlier said there was " no sign " of terrorism regarding the crash on the Airbus 330 from Rio de Janeiro to Paris.

I’m going to play devil’s advocate here and say maybe that’s because they haven’t found the fucking plane!

I’m not trying to say it WAS terrorism, it could just as easily have been an accident, but I think it’s reprehensible and irresponsible to rule it out.

For the Haterz

In keeping with the unfortunate Sesame Street theme I’ve got going on, Big Bird would like you to back the f*ck up.

Sweet

311 kicks ass.  Just sayin’.

Wow. Just…wow.

I don’t really have words for this.  Terror, pity, and mild amusement are the closest I can come up with.

Assume Choking Chicken Stance, Grasshopper

David Carradine has died.  He was in Bangkok filming a new movie, and was found dead in the closet of his hotel room. According to the BBC:

Thai police told the BBC the 72-year-old was found naked by a hotel maid in a wardrobe with a cord around his neck and other parts of his body.

Earlier versions of this report contained the words ‘his genitals’ in place of the much more benign ‘his body.’  The internet is of course filling up with warm and fuzzy tributes to Carradine, and so, while a death is regrettable, and remembrances are touching, I would like to remind everyone that he most likely died while…well, you know…

Maryland: We Excel at Two Things

Taxing the shit out of people, and killing them.  Go Terps!

Balls of Titanium

For all of you out there, who, like me, have been tailgated by ‘the man’ at one time or another, or have had a cop ride your ass for no reason, giving you the all too familiar adrenaline rush of destruction, this one goes out to you.  Without further delay, the man with the largest, most resilient, dent resistant and intrepid balls on the face of the planet…

This is the first time I’ve ever literally ROFL’d at something.  Roffling does not come easy to me.

Played Out but Funny

I love when played out cliches are mocked with expert skill.  You will too. Come LOL with me.

…The More They Stay the Same.

The shortest blog blackout in the history of the web is over, and Deliriously Normal is back.  I was looking at things all wrong. I had really considered pulling the plug on Deliriously Normal, but dammit, 5 years is a long time to throw away, and I think maybe I was being a little over ambitious.  I’ve struggled with a direction for this blog for a while, and I think blacking it out and starting a new one was the right thing to do.  It cleared my head out, and gave me the presence of mind to really figure out what Deliriously Normal has become.  I find that my posts here are so all over the board that I can’t really categorize them, and I think that’s exactly the point.  I can’t pigeonhole it.  It’s the place where I dump all the stuff that angers me, makes me laugh, makes me think, or just plain amazes me.  

I’ve struggled with that, because sometimes there are personal, family type things that I want to get out of my system, and those posts just don’t fit here.  That’s what’s been throwing me for a loop.  Just like there is a ‘work’ me and a ‘home’ me, there needs to be a separation of thoughts and blog posts in much the same fashion.  I have been thinking about this all day, and it just feels right.  Deliriously Normal will continue, although in a slightly tweaked and less personal way.  All the stuff that doesn’t fit here will go over to my new site, 32 to 1. 

They say that writing is the best type of therapy there is, and I have to agree.  Deliriously Normal has allowed me to vent for 5 years, and it’s going to stay that way; I just have a new outlet for things that don’t belong here. It feels good to finally figure it all out.  For those two of you out there who visit, well, you’re stuck with me for a while.

Battlefield: Badass

If there’s one thing I love more than technology, it’s technology that makes shit go ‘splodey.

The U.S. Army is set to start testing a computerized, high-tech projectile launcher that can take out bad guys hiding around corners and in caves or trenches, even if they're out of the soldier's line of sight.

Some experts call it the "Judge Dredd" gun, after the Sylvester Stallone movie. The Pentagon calls it the XM-25 Individual Air Burst Weapon, which uses a laser rangefinder to precisely measure the distance to a target, then primes a fuse on a timed grenade so that the projectile explodes exactly where it should.

One thing I wanna know...can you play duck hunt with that thing?

Technorati Tags: Battlefield,technology,Army,projectile,soldier,Judge,Dredd,Pentagon,Weapon

Just One of Those Days

Funeral Home For Sale: Lots of Extras

This is so many shades of creepy:

"Four bodies in a funeral home isn't unusual. Four unidentified bodies left behind in a vacant funeral home is "unbelievable."

That's what the Rev. Reginald Burrell thought Sunday when he and deacons from Northlake Church of Christ went to visit their newly purchased building.

They found four bodies, including one in the bag, one in a corrugated burial box and two in caskets...they could have been there since 2006."

There's a horror movie in this story somewhere, I can feel it.

That was cool…heh heh hm!

Racist? Sexist? Want a Job on the Supreme Court?

I would love to one day sit down at the computer, catch up on the news, and have something positive to say about Obama and the people in his administration.  As time goes on, I’m becoming more and more convinced that’s about as likely as coming home and finding out my living room has mysteriously filled itself with gold bars.

People in this administration have consistently made the most ignorant gaffes, blatant screw-ups, position reversals, etc. I’ve ever seen. It’s like we turned the White House over to a classroom of middle-schoolers with bad attitudes.

I don’t know what criteria Obama is using to select his nominees, but I’m starting to be able to compile a basic profile.  Apparently, you skip to the head of the line if you are a former lobbyist, well connected, a tax-evader, completely inexperienced, or in the case of Obama’s first Supreme Court pick, a racist, sexist liberal judicial activist.

What?

In 2001, Sonia Sotomayor, an appeals court judge, gave a speech declaring that the ethnicity and sex of a judge “may and will make a difference in our judging.”

”I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life,” said Judge Sotomayor.

I’m not crying racism because it hurts my feelings. I’m calling racism because it’s bullshit practices like bringing these types of characters into the administration that make this country look more and more like an imploding third world country. We are led by inexperienced morons with no common sense and a propensity to run off at the mouth with nothing to back up their drooling jabber. It's a disgrace how these people have managed to shame and disgrace this country in the short time they've been in office.

I thought we were supposed to be above matters of race? Aren’t we, Democrats?

Source: New York Times

Everybody say awwww….

This is probably going to be the cutest thing you’ve seen all day. Year.

Loris liebt Kitzeln
by ChillClub

The Countdown Has Begun

It’s time to make a change. I’m going from car to motorcycle.  Having absolutely no experience and WAY too much time on my hands, I’ve picked out the starter bike that will get me on my way.

Of course, I still have the whole motorcycle safety course thing to do, but what’s to let a few details stand in the way?

I need to put some funds together, get through the course without injuring myself…things like that, but I can’t wait.  I’m going to try to get the course knocked out asap, and hopefully get on the road by early fall at the latest. 

I’ve read so many reviews of the thing…watched about 75 hours of youtube videos on it, it’s been my obsession these past few days.  I’m so ready to pull the trigger on it, but everything in its due time.

Red Bull Does In Fact Have a Warning Label

I’m sorry but if you’re stupid enough to try this, you deserve to have a heart attack.  Or to be beaten with a stick.

A 23-year-old Auckland mother who lost 45kg in eight months by drinking nothing but energy drink Red Bull says she has ongoing health problems because of the diet. 

Ms Robertson said she managed to keep her addiction secret from family and friends, and did not recover from it until after a two-week stay in hospital following a minor heart attack.

"I managed to wean myself off it by being in hospital for that long but I had severe withdrawals – sweating, nausea, shaking. It was an addiction. The doctors stated that."

Dumbass. She should have tried Rockstar.  It would have likely finished the job.

Source: Stuff.co.nz

Technorati Tags: Robertson,New Zealand,RedBull,Auckland

Morning Lulz

No Talent

You know, if you can’t play Call of Duty: World at War without using a modded rapid-fire controller, you are a total douchebag.  See, there exist only two possible reasons for someone to use these devices. 

1) You are a stat-padder and don’t care about the fun of actually achieving goals on your own merit.  You’re probably the one who relentlessly puts down your own team during the match and then gets pissed off when people shut you down. You then find the synthetic balls to complain that everyone else on your team sucks, blows, is gay, etc.  This type of behavior, when reinforced only with stats you earn because of your quickfire controller, makes you an poseur par excellence, as well as a complete dick.

2) Without the use of a rapid-fire controller you suck so incredibly hard at COD that your friends laugh at you, your girlfriend leaves you, and your dog shits on your XBox to prevent you from spreading the sheer magnitude of your suck like a digital cancer.  Your mom probably still dresses you; hell, she’s probably better at COD than you are.

If either of these statements in any way apply to you, do yourself a favor.  Take your COD disc out, ask your mommy to drive you to the nearest EB/Gamestop, etc, and proceed to explain to them that you need to trade in COD for “The Incredibles.”   Then when you get home, take your modded, prized rapidfire controller and break it with a heavy object.  Trust me on this.  It’s better than what would happen if a real gamer got hold of it.  That of course would be to shove it so far up your ass you’d shit plastic for two months.

A final word of warning to you rapid fire sissies.  You are aware (maybe) that COD still has the kill-cam feature, so we can SEE your pathetic attempts at ownage.  We do not respect you, we don’t fear you, and we’re all talking insane amounts of shit about you while laughing at your obvious shortcomings.

Come back when you can play with the big boys.

Chromosome Confusion

iTunes has kept me entertained a lot recently. First I find a random Goatse image, and now tonight I was treated to a picture that I just can't quite explain. I'm not a huge fan of reality shows and things like American Idol in particular, so it comes as no surprise that I can't identify any of the contestents on the what...58th season of the show, right?

So I fire up iTunes to listen to some music while I surf and I'm greeted by this. What the fuck is this, some kind of joke? This is

clearly a woman named Adam, isn't it? Wait, no apparently this poor confused little emo sissy is actually a male. At least that's what the internets tell me and on occasion, sadly, the web has occasionally proven itself to be full of shit.

I hope this androgynous little shit sings like goddamned Isaac Hayes or something, because otherwise, he's literally a woman. I mean, just look at it. There's no way that thing's packin' a tool. None. For God's sake it looks like the younger sister of Kate Gosselin. If you don't see the similarity here, you're either blind, retarded or gay. Or possibly some screwed up fusion of the three. Pick a goddamned gender.

Really.

Technorati Tags: Goatse,image,Idol,music,Adam,tool,Kate,Gosselin,gender,iTunes

The Missing Link

This past week, scientists announced they’d discovered the 47 million year old fossilized remains of an animal which, they announced shamelessly, is the missing link between apes and humans.

Ida, properly known as Darwinius masillae, is the 47-million-year-old fossil, said to be a critical “missing link” species in primate evolution.

Ironically, scientists have located a contradictory find here in North America. This new discovery of yet another 47 million year old fossil seems to indicate that we are all actually descended from assholes.

I’m not implying anything…

but why would you want to go and do something stupid like that?

Bring on The Remakes

So I just came across the teaser for the remake of the 80s legend ‘V’.

Looks pretty good to me; as long as they keep it moving.  My worst fear is they’ll take a cool premise like this and give it the Battlestar Galactica treatment; which is to say stretch it out several seasons too long at the expense of interest.

Based on this, I’m all in so far.

That’s Just Not Fair

I’m really terribly offended by this story:

Not by the fact he was unfairly treated, you see. That’s just life.  I’m offended by the fact that the headline could have used a much more inflammatory double-entendre for shock value.  A few samples:

AF Gives Decorated Pilot the Shaft

AF F*cks Decorated Pilot

AF Tosses Decorated Pilot

AF Blows Off Decorated Pilot

AF Sucks: Decorated Pilot

Decorated Gay Pilot Forced to Pull Out

Decorated Gay Pilot Forcibly Removed from Cockpit

I have to take a sec and say I kind of feel like an asshole for making these jokes; I might even be contradicting the Don’t Be a Dick rule I just visited upon the world.  This guy’s been in the Air Force for 18 years, and for that I salute him. I’m sure he’s a great guy.

For this comment however:

"I wanted a quick, quiet, fair, honorable discharge."

I LOLed.

Words of Wisdom

In your day to day life, as well as your conduct online there’s a simple rule that will make things much more enjoyable for everyone:

Well, that was almost fun.

I dropped the kids off at school this morning with plenty of time left to get out and enjoy this beautiful sunny day.  For the second day in a row the sky is brilliant blue and cloudless, the grass green with spring.  It’s warm with a slight cool breeze; all in all a perfect day to get out with the camera.

I drove downtown, parked, got out and managed to take about 30 pictures when the most intense, burning, stabbing, throbbing pain I’ve ever had in my life shot down my back and into my leg.

My sciatic nerve has chosen this moment in time to launch a brutal blitzkrieg against my ability to enjoy some free time.  It literally feels like I’ve been stabbed in the small of my back and the knife has been pulled the whole way down my back and left leg almost to the knee.

I’d just returned to the car to drop off the camera bag and made it about half a block when it hit.  It literally stopped me in my tracks. I turned and slugged back to the car almost gasping for breath; as each step I took twisted the knife in my back.

Ugh.

Shut up about the word Ugh being used as a line too.  It’s how I feel, it’s relevant, and it’s my blog so piss off. (Yeah, it still hurts.)

I’m going to try to get back out in a little bit after some tylenol and a brief stint on the couch.

I need the escape these little photo trips provide.

Beneath The Clear Blue Sky

Aside from the usual day to day tedium, today was a pretty decent day.  I took the kids to the park for a few hours and let them burn off some steam, which was also an exercise in stress relief for me.  I need to get away from this little black box more often. (Ironic that I felt the need to post about this, isn’t it?)

We had a great time today, really.  Perfect weather and not a cloud in the sky. 

I’ve been beating myself up for not bringing the camera today to get pics of the kids, but since they’re in school tomorrow, I’ll be able to go out and get some solo photography time in so at least the need to point and shoot will be fulfilled.

Well, I’m up late enough as it is and I’ve got to be up early, so I’m calling it a night.  Goodnight, world.

I’ll admit it, I LOLed

Something’s Fishy

And you thought your job sucked.

A Jail and some Fail.

If THIS is a jail, then sign me up for at least armed robbery.

My wife would agree…if she could speak English.

I guess I can’t be a grammar nazi as I did kind of misspell doesn’t in a metal driven typing fit, but still…Noy sy sll has become a part of my vocabulary for all time.

Things Almost Seen

I was messing around aimlessly in iTunes, when I suddenly caught a glimpse of something…evil.  It was a momentary glance of something resembling a hand-drawn simulacra of the original internet evil.  Goatse. 

Waiting for the image to cycle back through its rotation, I grabbed a screen cap.  Looks like goatse to me. 

If you don’t know what goatse is, consider yourself lucky.  No, more like blessed.  My eyes still hurt from the Clorox, and that was like 2002.

Down the River

I’m going to try to keep this post as succinct and polite as possible, but it’s not going to be easy.

I’ve had it with the American auto industry.  I’ve worked in dealerships most of my adult life, so I feel relatively qualified to address the situation.

Not only am I pissed off that our new President seems to think that it’s ok to have government owned automobile manufacturers, but I am utterly furious that these businesses, which in all fairness have historically built inferior products have received billions of dollars in ‘bailout’ money when it was obvious from the outset that bankruptcies were all but inevitable.

General Motors, Chrysler, and Ford are large employers, and have been major components of the US economy for a long time.  That being said, things change, business changes, and the nexus of the capitalistic system is that underperforming, mismanaged businesses which are outclassed dramatically by an intensely competitive (and often lesser priced) market need to be allowed to fail.

Propping up a business riddled with poor management, poor quality, and uninspiring overpriced products is only postponing the only possible outcome, and in so doing, damaging the rest of the economy by siphoning off resources that could be deployed to more benefit elsewhere.

We are taught from childhood that actions have consequences. It’s the American way.  Individual responsibility and accountability have been our historical underpinnings since the dawn of our nation, and is what sets us apart from the European ‘nanny-state’ mentality that the state is the ultimate safety net.

Americans have always been able to see one level deeper.  We’ve always known that the safety net starts with ourselves.  When hard-working Joe American makes some bad judgment calls and gets in over his head financially, does the government step in and bail him out? Of course not.  Bankruptcy is the protection afforded to him under our system.  That is the second chance.  The clean slate.  The last resort.

Joe American loses his ability to secure credit for a while, and pays the price for his bad judgment but through hard work, determination, and having learned lessons from his mistakes, he rebuilds himself and avoids the pitfalls that brought him down before.

In much the same way, the big automakers need to learn to get their economic house in order.  Blaming the nebulous ‘economy’ is not enough to absolve them of responsibility for their part in their own collapse.  Had they been lean, tightly run efficient businesses who listened to their customer base instead of building crap for the past 20+ years, we would in all likelihood be looking at a much different scenario. Instead, all over the news are things like this:

As thousands of General Motors workers await word on more U.S. plant closures, reports that the company plans to import Chinese-made vehicles to the U.S. have created a political problem for the automaker and the White House.

On Wednesday, Shanghai Securities News and other Chinese media reported that GM plans to begin exporting vehicles from China to the U.S. within two years, ramping up sales to more than 50,000 by 2014.

What is truly sad is that even in the midst of this auto-industry ‘crisis’, it has become clear that GM in particular has not only learned nothing, but also has no sense of corporate responsibility. 

"What's more important, some jobs in a particular factory somewhere or the overall success of the company?" Cole asked. "That is really far more important."

That’s exactly the problem.  What’s more important, the overall success of GM or ‘some jobs somewhere’. 

This is the corporate attitude that has brought GM to it’s knees.  The giant has fallen and is gasping for breath. 

The big three have done this to themselves, despite the best intentions of thousands of hard working employees on the factory floor.



 

Technorati Tags: GM,Ford,Chrysler,bankruptcy,economy,bailout,auto,nationalization,Obama

Sources: MyWay via Drudge Report

Putting It All In Perspective

Sometimes it helps to step back, take a deep breath, and realize that the universe is so much bigger than our day to day struggles lead us to think.

Technorati Tags: astronomy,space,sagan,life,philosophy,Voyager,Earth,quote

Your Daily Dose of Doom – Conspiracy Corner

The world is going to hell in a handbasket.  Embrace the fear.

1) Bilderberg Group Meeting This Week

"If the Finance Minister really wants to know the depth of this "global economic firestorm", all he has to do is to ask the people who created it.”

2) Swine Flu II: Coming Soon to a Lung Near You

“Researchers say swine flu has "full pandemic potential", spreading readily between people and is likely to go global in the next six to nine months.”

3) Somali Pirates: An Inside Job?

”Pirate groups have "well-placed informers" in London who are in regular contact with control centres in Somalia where decisions on which vessels to attack are made. These London-based "consultants" help the pirates select targets, providing information on the ships' cargoes and courses.”

It’s enough to make me want to turn off the internet…except that if any of this is true the internet might be our last line of defense.

Terminate This.

So Terminator Salvation is coming out and has creepy terminator motorcycles, eh?

So what, this bad boy was on the road in 2005.

Sorry Terminator fanboys, this thing kicks ass.

Some People Have All the Luck

Here’s a few interesting shots from my recent Smithsonian trip.  All of these people have one thing in common. Craptastic luck.

View Full Album

The Wisdom of Jack

This afternoon I was driving my kids home from school and enjoying the banter of a 4 and 5 year old’s deep discussion.

Somehow, the discussion turned to a gingerbread house they had made back around Christmas.  They were both saying things like ‘I wish we still had our gingerbread house…where did it go?’

I softly (my daughter is quite emotional, you see) informed them that we’d thrown it away because it was made of food and had gone bad.

That’s when Jack pipes in: ‘We should have used Green Bags because they keep your food fresh.  Not Ziploc bags, they let all the yucky air in and make your food go bad. Green Bags are better because they keep the air clean.’

I think he’s seen that commercial ONCE.

Cunning Linguists

And the Lord said thou shalt LOL for it is good.

Internet Irony

File this under things that make you go hmmmm….

Hasta La Vista, Vista. Or Something.

As of today, every computer in my household is running Windows 7 RC.  Two of the installations were upgrades, one was a full install, and really there was only one hiccup of note.

I installed it first on my wife’s year old Dell 1525 laptop, she got the full format and fresh install treatment.  Absolutely painless.

Next, I upgraded my Inspiron 1545 laptop, which was also without event.

Lastly, I upgraded a year old Acer desktop, which turned into a mess.  The actual install went smooth as glass, but I ran into an issue when trying to find an actual display driver from Acer.  (Note that this computer was purchased without my advice.)

The Acer support website, when I finally found it was a worthless pile of crap.  The driver I downloaded was over two years old, and would not allow me to set the proper resolution.  Digging out (and I emphasize ‘digging’ out) the original driver disk resolved the problem, but that’s just the issue.  The driver on the CD was newer than the most recent driver on the Acer site.

Note: Acer sucks donkey balls. Big surprise.

So far, there have been no issues on any of the three systems, save for what I think might be the first ‘bug’ I’ve ever identified.  I installed the CoolIris plugin for Firefox and used it to browse a flickr stream.  Shortly thereafter, I noticed some visual artifacting on the active window, and also some desktop artifacting similar to a poorly compressed image file.  I uninstalled the CoolIris plugin and the artifacting disappeared completely.

So far, the system is notably snappier and just generally ‘feels’ more responsive.  I’m definitely satisfied so far.  I dare say enthusiastic.

CIFTA. If it’s good enough for Barack…

I would like to invite anyone to give me a logical, coherent answer as to what purpose it could conceivably ever serve to let a foreign government have access to a list of American gun owners.

What is this near obsession these people have with curtailing the 2nd amendment?

When Barry said he wanted change, he sure meant it, didn’t he?

Stunned.

I just discovered Volbeat. Oh. My. God.

Yes.

Just….yes.

Government 101

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Found on ATS

Oh Shit.

A teenager suspected of car burglary was so surprised when he opened a car door to find a police officer sitting inside that he messed his pants, police said.

"I was in my personal vehicle, but I was in uniform," Taylor told the Deseret News Monday. "I'd pulled in my driveway and was on the phone with another deputy when I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw this guy trying to get into my wife's car."

Taylor watched the teen then move up toward his car.

"Right as his hand goes to check my handle, I kick the door open," Taylor said. "I said, 'You'd better stop right there! Police!' I'm not kidding, it was quiet as can be, and I heard …"

As if this isn’t funny enough, the comments on the original post caused me to suffer a massive bout of the lulz.

Couldn’t have said it better my friend.

I dunno, this kinda makes sense.

A new Afghan law that has drawn Western condemnation for restricting women's rights does not allow marital rape as its critics claim, but lets men refuse to feed wives who deny them sex, the cleric behind it says.

Just kidding ladies, you know I love you.  Snookums.

Pure Win.

If you don’t know this stuff, you fail.

Know Your Meme: FAIL from Rocketboom on Vimeo.

Profanity Filter: OFF

Oh my sweet Christ, here we go with the ‘Obama showed them damned Republicans’ bullshit fest.

Some conservatives were attempting to paint Barack Obama as a weak leader over the pirate hostage drama. They are eating crow now.

Eating crow my ass.  I’ve had enough of this taint licking Obamachrist worship, and it fucking has to stop NOW.  Obama didn’t do shit.  Navy SEALS did.  All he did was say ‘ok.’

Navy SEALS = Pwnage with mad snipa skillz0rz.

Obama = got a puppy.

Do you see the stark gulf of galactic proportions concerning his involvement in this whole affair?

For the benefit of those of you unable to extract your noses from Obama’s asshole long enough to see what is going on, I’m going to lay  out the one and only acceptable scenario under which he could rightly be considered a god.

Barack Obama wakes up on a cloud floating near Mt. Olympus.  His morning wood is the axis around which the globe spins. He takes his morning piss and there is a tsunami. On fucking Mars.

He makes Zeus wash his underwear and keeps Aphrodite as a mistress.

He shits mountains of gold,platinum,titanium,diamonds or any combination thereof.

He dons a superhero cape and flying down to earth with inhuman speed, fires lasers out of his eyeballs vaporizing the evil pirates on sight, then, merely by snapping his fingers, teleports himself through space and time where he becomes a Roman Emperor and builds a museum to his greatness out of only his own discarded skin cells.

Then, and only then, will I eat crow and acknowledge the deity of this asshole.

Navy SEALS for the motherfucking win.

By the way, I hear Obama leiks teh Mudkipz.

Peace out.

Fir real?

I thought pneumonia sucked.  Like, seriously hardcore industrial vacuum grade suckage. 

This poor sap, I’m sorry to say, has managed to one up anything I’ve ever suffered from.

Facepalm. Rinse. Repeat.

This is the stupidest, most brain-dead, utterly indescribable piece of half-assed shit journalism I’ve ever seen in my life.

I know that sometimes even MY posts are pointless…and since I have approximately 2 readers, they probably ALL are; though at least even my most groan inducing, nausea generating posts have ten times the relevance of this shit.  Ordinarily I would cite the thing…but this abortion of an article needs to be reposted in full to be enjoyed.

Please prepare to enter the zone of whatthefuck, where nothing makes sense, and you’ll wonder if it’s possible to retrieve that minute of time you’ll spend reading this. 

Enjoy:

After witnessing a Satyricon concert, one's first thought typically is to meet the legendary black metal drummer Frost. Having played in established acts such as Gorgoroth and 1349, he is quite renown in the black metal community.

The only way to meet and converse with either of the members of Satyricon was to patiently wait. A plethora of fans crowded around Frost, eager for his signature on their skin or an object. Everybody wanted an autograph, it was absolute chaos in the Gothic Theatre. After the room cleared out, I approached Frost. "I would not like an autograph. Instead I have a question: What is freedom to you?" I asked him, searching for some form of substance, expecting a magnificent or even thoughtful answer. Frost looked astonished, his eyes darted across the room as though looking for an answer. "I just got done playing a show, i'm tired, and you're asking me philosophical questions?" Frost said, as an unexplainable smile spread across his face. "Yes!" I responded, laughing, trying to make him more comfortable in the conversation. "Let me think about it for a few minutes." He said, turning around to the fans that were left in the room.

Patiently I waited next to him for about 20 minutes, and then moved aside and spent the remainder of the time awaiting a response. Waiting for some kind of unique wisdom that would redeem his prior comment. No such thing occurred, as he never did answer my question. However, he seemed to have no objection to giving fans his autograph as frequently as possible.

I’m going to go around randomly asking people that now. Jesus.

I’m still trying to figure out if it’s a joke or just literally the stupidest attempt to fill space on the internet in the history of the planet.

In any case, here’s my reply:

A Learning We Will Go.

We took the kids to DC to the Natural History museum today.  It was a great getaway, and the kids enjoyed it immensely.  I’ve never seen them so excited; they couldn’t wait to get from one exhibit to another and touch everything they could get their hands on. 

We had a blast.  Well, except for one little tiny thing.  I made a horrendous discovery.  I saw something…a device…that made me cringe in abject horror.

In case you can’t read it…this monstrous contraption is a syringe…used..and I quote: “…in the urethra to inject liquid mercury as a treatment for syphilis.”

To go all valley-guy on you for a sec ‘like, ohmygod ewww’

The 17th century must have REALLY sucked.

After the Rain

Into every life, as they say, a little rain must fall.  The trick is finding the beauty in it all.

What’s the Word?

The Pentagon has stopped using the phrase Global War on Terror.  Obama DID promise change though, and this does qualify.  The best part though is the new nomenclature.  Get this: “Overseas Contingency Operation.”

Calling the War on Terror an Overseas Contingency Operation is like calling a fascist the ‘44th President.”

It’s all in the name.

Back to the Front

I popped in COD: World at War a few minutes ago, and a funny thing happened.  I’ve gotten better.  I think the endless hours of Bad Company have translated into me getting my gaming legs back.  Looks like I’m going to be tearing up some WaW tonight.

Obama Brings on the Change

Remember the good old days before the election when everyone was busy comparing Bush to Hitler, and there were countless discussions about how Republicans were subverting the constitution with the Patriot Act, etc?

Well, all that’s changed.  President Demigod Messiah Barack Jesus Superman Obama has really gotten the ball rolling.  Only a few months into his term, and let’s take a look at just some of the ‘change’:

He’s pushing for mandatory public service in the form of the GIVE act. What’s that you ask?

On March 18, Rep. George Miller, a Democrat from California, tacked an amendment on H.R. 1388, entitled “Generations Invigorating Volunteerism and Education Act,” or GIVE (to government), Obama’s plan to require mandatory service for all able young people. Miller’s amendment will “prohibit organizations from attempting to influence legislation; organize or engage in protests, petitions, boycotts, or strikes; and assist, promote, or deter union organizing.

What about that pesky First Amendment?  You know, the one that says:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

Now Obamachrist is seeking expanded powers to seize troubled companies.

The Obama administration is considering asking Congress to give the Treasury secretary unprecedented powers to initiate the seizure of non-bank financial companies, such as large insurers, investment firms and hedge funds, whose collapse would damage the broader economy, according to an administration document.

I’ll take my fascism with a side of Second Amendment please.

It had to happen

So I was playing Battlefield Bad Company on XBox Live, and in the middle of this one match, this guy with a thick New York accent starts spouting off obscenities directed at everyone.  He was totally going ballistic to the point where I could imagine veins about to burst out of his skull.  He’s calling everyone on our team f*ing f*gs and motherf*ckers and everything else his tiny little brain could come up with.  I ran to take cover from enemy fire, and he goes around like some digital Dylan Klebold , picking off people on our team, myself included, referencing me with a f*ck you because I was taking cover. From enemy fire.  I turned on the mic and engaged him in a little chat whereupon I reminded him that his excessive references to homosexuality may imply some latent, undiscovered tendencies that he should probably attempt to explore with a willing partner.

I just had to ask him how it really mattered exactly what I was doing.  He responded with ‘you ain’t got no motherf*cking points f*ggot and look at me.’ (The match had just started, and while I currently HAD no points, he had –35.) I then told him politely that –35 was actually a worse score than 0, and thus, he was guilty of digital fellatio, sucking worse than anyone else on the team. 

As he really got mad, I then casually suggested an alternative means to him of easing his anger, which he responded to in the affirmative, saying “If I could, I would…” at which point I felt the argument was complete; his having verbally confirmed my suspicions, I put the whole matter to rest.

The beauty of this whole scene was that he was pissed because people were hiding behind cover and establishing fields of fire.  I should mention at this point that we were playing Defense on Gold Rush mode.  As in, the objective at that time was to DEFEND our gold crates.

Apparently he was under the impression that this game actually had some real significance in his life, which is really kind of sad.

Southwest Airlines: Kickin’ Ass and Spittin Rhymes

This is yet another reason why I think Southwest is the greatest airline in the world.

Flight attendants and rap.  It’s like milk and cookies.

Why Humans Are the Top of the Pyramid

Human beings have managed some astounding feats in our time on this planet, but there are two things we truly, truly excel at.  Finding ways to kill each other, and finding new ways of watching porn.

I’m going to go sob for the fate of our species.

The finer things

I finally managed to override my son's hardcoded genetic programming
and get him off the computer long enough to come outside and play a
bit. Of course he is dressed as batman as is usual.

As I sit here and watch them play I am reminded of the innocence I
once had as a child and I wish that just for a moment I could feel
that again.

Of course as an adult I don't have that privelege anymore so I have to
seek the fun in any situation; to see the silver lining in anything. I
have to remind myself periodically that the things I stress over are
transitory and that the sun will in fact come up tomorrow.

I believe that. It still doesn't diminish my wish to be able to see
the world as a child again if only for a moment.

That I suppose is the true beauty of parenthood; that I can peer
between the gnarled fingers of time as she strains to cover my eyes
with adult concerns. That by watching my children play I can in fact
see through the eyes of a child once more.

Attention All Democrats: Please Suck on This

Cause du Jour

It’s been a little while since I had something on my mind worth ranting about, but I’m ready to fix that.  Here goes.

Natasha Richardson, who was, apparently, famous has died of a head injury sustained in a skiing accident.  She was not wearing a helmet at the time and now USA Today is running a piece about how her accident is ‘rekindling debate’ over the issue of wearing helmets while skiing. 

There’s no debate to be had. If you’re a minor, you should wear a helmet because you’re not able to make an informed decision about doing so.  If you’re an adult, you should be free to choose.  Protect your nugget, or keep yourself exposed to danger.  It’s that simple.  It’s elegant and Darwinian.  End of debate.  Well, it should be, but that would make sense.

Chuck Norris Facts

Fact 456,847,343,123: He has no sense of humor.

Tough-guy actor and martial arts expert Chuck Norris sued publisher Penguin on Friday over a book he claims unfairly exploits his famous name, based on a satirical Internet list of "mythical facts" about him.

Honestly, if the highlight of my recent career was Walker: Texas Ranger, and hawking the ‘Total Gym’ on TV, I’d take all the free publicity I could get.  Just sayin’.

The Cash Grab Continues.

True to their tax and spend roots, the Democrats are poised to unleash more ‘stimulus’ on us.  Short of their own self-congratulatory liberal orgies, I fail to see how these reckless ‘redistribution of wealth’ is stimulating anything.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Tuesday that Congress needs to "keep the door open" to a second stimulus package -- raising the question of how much the government could eventually spend on top of the $787 billion already allocated to rescue the country from dire economic straits.

"We are going to need more taxpayer money ...”

Throwing more taxpayer funds at severely mismanaged and grossly corrupt and failing businesses is like pissing on a forest fire. It’s simply not going to work.  The system needs to self-correct, not be artificially pumped up.

Frivolity.

I’ll take it.  Seriously.  I would actually do useful stuff with it, instead of, you know, buying A BOOK.

I’m glad someone is doing well enough to piss away enough for a car on Harry Potter.

The Newz. It has skillz.

 

News. It’s 1337.

Racist Zombies. Stop the Insanity.

Since all other problems in the world have vanished with the coronation of the new American (Kenyan) Messiah, now we can go after the real evil in society. Racist video games.  First up, Resident Evil 5.

Footage unveiled at the 2007 E3 Media & Business Summit of the mature-rated game's brooding Caucasian protagonist, Chris Redfield, facing off against a horde of black African villagers caused a furor among many gamers online.

Newsweek technology editor N'Gai Croal wrote that many of the teaser's aspects "dovetailed with classic racist imagery."

Good God.  It’s a game about f*cking Zombies.  Must everything be racially motivated?  Cries of racism like this are only a crutch for weak-minded people to get attention.

Grow up.

Pleasant Surprises

I finally forced myself to sit through a full episode of House tonight, and to my surprise, I actually enjoyed it. I’d tried a few times but had never been able to really get into it.  I don’t know what changed, but I really dug it.  Even got a real honest to goodness laugh out of me at one point.

On another note, I picked up a curious little device at Officemax the other day.  It’s a portable backup hard drive by a company called Clickfree.  The neat thing is, it really is.  You literally just plug the thing in to your USB port and off it goes.  It backed up all my music, emails, pictures….everything.  I didn’t have to do a thing other than connect it.  There’s no software to screw around with or anything.  I’m VERY impressed with it. 

Capacity wise, it’s a little small, but taking stock of the files I needed to back up, it will work fine for me.  I picked up the 120 gig version on clearance for 59 bucks.  On the clickfree website it’s going for 89.

I may be upgrading to a bigger model in the near future as my ever-growing digital media collection swells to epic heights.

The only low point of the day was when Kelly drove me from the TV with her insistence on watching Bring it On.  But, if that’s the worst thing to happen I think I can safely say it was a good day.