Full Throttle

Today was an exercise in futility.  It seemed as though no matter what I did I was assaulted by idiots.  Literally within ten minutes of getting to work today I was called by a woman who claimed she'd seen an ad for our dealership offering 0% financing. On used cars.

I then spent the next ten minutes trying to get her to understand that I can't simply give her an interest rate over the phone.  There are a few little issues like credit worthiness and oh, um, maybe an actual vehicle that need to be discussed first.

I don't have the mental energy to recount the whole sordid affair so I'll leave you with this.  Here comes your daily WTF.

 

Technorati tags: cars, dealerships, humor, video, youtube

Share the Road

I'm not a motorcycle owner or rider myself, and since I have an aversion to being turned into actual Chris-burger, I'm going to keep it that way. I know a lot of people who do ride them, and I do my best to be courteous to bikers on the road.

That sentiment is a two way street.  The other morning on the way in to work, some ignorant teenage little shit with a crotch rocket decided to weave in and out of traffic on a crowded highway with no signals, no regard for cars, and apparently no concern for his own safety.  Traffic was moving at a steady 85 mph and in his effort to break the Maryland land-speed record, he nearly careened into several cars, and was almost knocked off an embankment due to his failure to look around and make sure there were no cars where he tried to weave.

I was certain beyond all doubt that he was going to cause a major multiple car pileup, and was going to be flung, crushed or gutted as a result.  Several near misses later, he accelerated so quickly I lost visual contact with him. On a straightaway.

I kept waiting to see road-pizza and a mangled ninja, but alas, he escaped that fate...at least temporarily.

Oh well. Maybe next time.

Al Qaeda Still Hates Us

Here's a real stunner:

Al Qaeda is stepping up its efforts to sneak terror operatives into the United States and has acquired most of the capabilities it needs to strike here, according to a new U.S. intelligence assessment, The Associated Press has learned.

The terror group has been able to restore three of the four key tools it would need to launch an attack on U.S. soil: a safe haven in Pakistan's tribal areas, operational lieutenants and senior leaders. It could not immediately be learned what the missing fourth element is.

Just in case you had any doubts that is. Let the fear and panic commence.

 

Technorati tags: Al Qaida, Al Qaeda, terrorism, Islam, war

The WTF Files: Case# 89231-9928

So I sat here and thought 'I should check my referrer logs.'  All was well until I went and found this. All I really want is an explanation.  Oh, and let me add that this is NOT the only instance of this particular search term....and they ALL come from Saudi Arabia.

 

I mean really, who the hell searches for this shit?  Is there nothing better to do over there? What the hell would possess someone to even dream that up?

Goofy bastards.

Wives Say the Damnedest Things

Sometimes she actually scares me with her bluntness.

 

And Yet They Breathe and Walk Among Us

Stupid people are everywhere. It's a simple fact that many outwardly intelligent and seemingly harmless people are in fact dangerously devoid of brainpower.

Somehow we as a society have chosen to let them walk among us unchecked, unfettered by such trivial things as common sense. This is a crime that needs to be rectified immediately.

Working in car sales has only deepened my sad impression of the human race as a whole.  It's ironic really that although the general public has a low opinion of people in my profession it turns out that car-buyers are in fact the most ignorant, rude, pathological liars and, to bring in the mandatory 19th century lingo, 'dunderheaded louts' ever unleashed on this poor unsuspecting world.

It amazes me on a daily basis that in this age of free information people have no idea how things really work.  Simple, everyday things like interest.  I had a customer a few days ago who came in to our store loudly proclaiming that he'd 'buy a pickup of ours today' if we'd lower the price.  Retail price on the truck was $23,000.  Our price was $16,000.  This was not a good enough deal for him.  He wanted our truck, including some six THOUSAND dollars of negative equity from his trade to come out to 250 a month.

Upon running his credit (Equifax actually stuck up their collective middle finger at him) it was pretty apparent that we weren't going to get him anywhere near that payment.  He hemmed and hawed and stewed and finally whipped out a calculator and demanded my full attention.

I leaned over the table as he commenced pulling numbers out of his ass and input them one after another into the calculator showing me what he felt the final price of the truck should be.  He attempted feebly to explain to me what he was doing but it was so incredibly wrong as to be unable to follow.

He then told me that he should have an interest rate of ten percent as he took his final price and divided it by 72 to calculate what he felt a six-year payment would be.

My eyes hurt, my head was pounding and I wanted to desperately to just tell him to leave as he was keeping me from someone who actually could buy a car.  Instead, my professionalism took over and I stood there in awe of his magical $292 truck payment.  

I then took the opportunity to extricate myself from the situation by turning him over to my sales manager who sat him down and patiently introduced him to the concept of creditworthiness and the related concept of 'interest'.  He seemed utterly incapable of comprehending in any way shape or form how his $292 turned into $440 when we used what we like to term 'real, actual, honest to god math.'

Needless to say, he stormed out cursing us and our obvious desire to NOT sell him a car.

It's no wonder I sometimes close my eyes and wish people would have to pass an IQ test before being allowed to procreate. 

Signs You've Picked the Wrong Hobby

1. You avert death by less than an inch.

2. Your redneck friends are videotaping you at the time.

 

 

Technorati tags: Sniper, weapons, shootings, rifle, death, video, guns, ricochet

What Can Brown Do For You?

There's a nefarious theme to this post.  I'm sure you, my legions of loyal minions fans will figure it out easily.

For tonight's perusal I bring you a tale of Craigslist.  More specifically, a tale of sphincter puppetry bordering on the grotesque.  A warning to those among you who consume beverages whilst simultaneously consuming blog posts; put the beverage down. This one could get ugly.

For those of you still in the dark as to tonight's theme, I empathize and encourage you to sit and think, and maybe stew for a bit.

Let the Kids be Kids

I'm not the type to sit around and comment about how back in the early 80s when I was a kid things were infinitely better than they are now, but at least back then we were allowed to be kids. 

Every show on Saturday morning TV was nothing more than a half-hour commercial for toys or cereal in cartoon form.  Our toys shot spring-loaded missiles and rockets, were made of metal, and probably some of them had lead paint.

Yet somehow, in an act of sheer defiance which remains unfathomable  to today's prevalent sense of over-regulation and over-protection, most of us survived.  Our eyes weren't shot out by GI Joe friendly fire.  We watched Transformers, played with them, and hit each other in the head with them, and we're not all raving sociopaths.

My generation sustained a heavy barrage of marketing from birth and yet, here we stand. 

Which brings me to this sad commentary on the state of our culture.

A child advocacy group complained Thursday to the Federal Trade Commission that ads and toys tied to the upcoming "Transformers" movie are aimed at children as young as 2 years old even though the film is rated PG-13.

Oh my GOD.  The inhumanity.  We must not continue to  expose our children to Transformers.  Children all around the country and perhaps even the world will cry themselves to sleep with visions of transformers in their heads.

"Transformers," due to be released nationwide July 4, is rated PG-13 for violence and other content. Hasbro has released dozens of toys related to the film, some for children as young as 3 years old.

It's so nice to know that there's so little else wrong with the world that our attention can now be turned to solving this crisis.

Maybe this has changed since I grew up, and I could be off base here but I had a mother and a father that monitored what I watched and could either take me to a movie or in some cases even tell me no.  They could choose to buy me a toy, or, and this is where it gets good, they could say no.

Marketing is always going to exist, it's the nature of the capitalistic way of life we know.  Groups like the CCFC are certainly well-meaning, but the impetus here must be on parents to decide if their children should be exposed to certain movies, toys, music, and so on.  Launching an all out war on marketing Transformers to kids is foolish as it attempts to take responsibility from parents, and assumes that there is irreparable damage being done here. I highly doubt a child today is going to grow up to be a serial killer because he might catch a glimpse of Optimus Prime punching Megatron. 

I've seen that hundreds of times in my life and I think I turned out ok.

Common sense and personal responsibility are the keys here. Let parents do their jobs and let kids be kids.

 

Technorati tags: Advertising, Transformers, FTC, marketing, toys, movies, parenting

Philosophy 101

I Have Seen The Promised Land

Last night my eyes were witness to the greatest movie I've ever seen.  I went to a sneak preview of Transformers late last night, and it was worth every single second of anticipation.  It was worth every minute of the 20 plus years I've dreamt of seeing exactly what I got last night on the big screen.  I really don't have a single complaint. The pacing was great.  The humor was genuinely funny. The action kicked insane amounts of ass.  I felt like paying for the movie again when I left.

I'm not entirely convinced that I blinked during the whole thing.   This is the first movie I've ever been to where the audience actually clapped and cheered for it as the end credits began to roll.

I knew I was in for an amazing time after the first five or so minutes.  Once you see 'Blackout' do his thing, you can't help but be hooked.

The only bad thing is that now I have to find time to see it about eight more times in the theater.  I will build a shrine to the greatness that is the sheer joy of this movie.

 

Technorati tags: Transformers, movie, Michael Bay

The Lasergod

This has GOT to kick ass at parties.

 

 

Technorati tags: Laser, magic, illusion, art, entertainment