Sunday, September 30, 2007

Come and Go

Weekends go entirely too damned fast.

Steve Jobs Inhaled Today

I'm as much of a tech-fanatic as anybody, but something occurred to me today while plowing through my Google Reader session.  I'd hoped that after the release of the iPhone, I'd maybe be able to stop hearing about it.   Not only has that not happened, it's gotten worse.

It's like Ubuntu all over again.  Now geeks of an order higher than myself have something else to orgasm over.  First it was the whole 'I installed Ubuntu on my refrigerator / cell phone / digital clock meme making news every six and a half seconds. As annoying as it was, I could cope with it.

The iPhone thing is getting out of hand.  Every time I check out any site with tech news, there's some story about unlocking the iphone, installing a program on it, or downgrading /modifying the firmware.  Have we run out of things to talk about in the tech field to such an extent that managing to downgrade the software on a cell phone is actually newsworthy?

Shiny touch-sensitiveness and Apple pedigree apart, it's a fuckin' phone.  That's it.  When I read stories like this I wonder if people literally have no lives other than sitting around installing linux and hacking phone firmware. 

I mean, really.  Get the hell out of your apartments and go get laid or something.  There's go to be more to life than this.

On a related note, I managed to successfully upgrade the battery in my  wireless mouse from a generic brand to a Duracell.  Check back soon for a Youtube video of me 'unlocking' the power of my mouse with step by step instructions.

Ugh.

 

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Of Chance and Circumstance

A strange thing happened today. After a frustratingly long day populated by agonizingly dim-witted and credit-challenged time-wasting drecks, I was ready for some amusement, something...anything to make today more interesting than a root canal.

I wasn't disappointed. After all the customers and all the wasted hours trying to get people into cars that Jesus himself wouldn't finance, something worth mentioning actually occurred.

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, the finance office had to be cleared of furniture at the last minute. Unforeseen circumstances being a flooring crew consisting only of what we supposed to be illegal immigrants masquerading as a highly trained tile-installation task force.

Clearing out the desk, some paperwork was found under one of the bottom drawers. That in and of itself isn't that strange. What's strange is that the paperwork was a credit application dated 9/29/05. Exactly two years ago today. Even more surprising, there was a fax printout dated almost to the hour that we found the paperwork.

Less surprising, and even a little ironic was that the fax was a decline letter from one of our lenders. Typical.

A few minutes after that, we swung the desk upright to move it from the office. That act brought on the last little tidbit of high strangeness.

Under the left side of the desk in a recess in the sheet metal was a stick-on air freshener. I'm guessing the previous owner of that desk either was sensitive to smells wafting up from service or else had problems keeping his anal sphincter under control.

These are the strange things that happen in the world of sales.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Americans are NOT giving up sex for the web.

The mainstream media is lying to you. I can prove it.

Surfing the net has become an obsession for many Americans with the majority of U.S. adults feeling they cannot go for a week without going online and one in three giving up friends and sex for the Web....It [a poll] also found that 20 percent said they spend less time having sex because they are online.

I call bullshit on this.  Think about it.  What are these people trying to accomplish by being online excessively?  I'd suggest they're IMing, surfing craigslist personals, prowling Myspace and every other social network and just generally trying to find new people specifically to have sex with. 

That's just the way things work on the web. Don't shake your head, you know I'm right.

 

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Forget Web 2.0 - Welcome to Web #1

I'm all for creative ways to get on YouTube, but this is wrong on so very many levels:

A Hartlepool man is facing jail after he urinated on a disabled woman who lay dying in the street.

The 27-year-old shouted "this is YouTube material" as he degraded Christine Lakinski, 50, who had fallen ill, magistrates heard.

Anderson had smoked a cannabis joint and been drinking when he and two friends spotted her.

He tried to rouse her by throwing a bucket of water over her, before urinating on her and covering her with shaving foam.

Lynne Dalton, prosecuting, said: "Although his actions did not contribute to her death it was appalling behaviour that robbed her of any dignity in the last hours of her life."

People suck. Seriously.

(Source: BBC)

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Best Vista Sidebar Gadget Yet

Since I've been using Vista, I've been searching for the perfect set of gadgets for my sidebar.  I change the layout quite a bit, but most of the time I find that I'm swapping my clock gadget.  All I really wanted was a nice simple digital clock that also shows the date.  That's it. 

I scoured Microsoft's gadget gallery to no avail, forcing myself to try several analog clocks, but always felt like they just weren't quite what I wanted.

Tonight I managed to find exactly what I was looking for.

Presto's Sidebar Clock, found over on prestonhunt.com is as simple as it gets.  It fit the bill perfectly and now has a top-of-the-totem-pole position in my sidebar. 

I highly recommend it.

 

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Grief Is an Odd Thing

Depression and grief know no bounds.

Florence Irene Ford
September 3, 1861 - October 30, 1871

Ten-year-old Florence died of yellow fever.
During her short life she was extremely frightened of storms and whenever one occurred she would rush to her mother to find comfort.

Upon her death her mother was so struck with grief that she had Florence's casket constructed with a glass window at the child’s head. The grave was dug to provide an area, the same depth of the coffin, at the child’s head, but this area had steps that would allow the mother to descend to her daughter’s level so she could comfort Florence during storms.

To shelter the mother during storms, hinged metal trap doors were installed over the area the mother would occupy while at her child’s grave.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Madonna's Got Something In the Groove

I'm not one to really care much about celebrities, and even less about what they buy.  I just thought this was a great shot. Check out her one eyed, one horned, pulsing purple polymer pecker.

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Rapist to Go Nutless for Reduced Term

Talk about choosing the lesser of two evils.  Let's see...life in prison...or...get your balls cut off and be out in 25.  Take this as a perfect example of why crime most assuredly does NOT pay.

Bobby James Allen pleaded guilty Monday to three counts of armed sexual battery and various other charges involving attacks that happened in 1998 and 1999. Allen filed a motion requesting castration in exchange for a reduced sentence.

Circuit Judge Michael Overstreet agreed to sentence Allen to 25 years' prison on Sept. 20 if has the procedure in the next eight days. If Allen does not go through with the operation, he faces up to life in prison.

"You understand that this procedure is the removal of your testicles?" Overstreet asked Allen.

"I have spoken with all the victims," prosecutor Larry Basford told Overstreet. "They agree that this sentence punishes him and would deter him and others from similar acts."

I want to go hug mine right now and tell them it's going to be alright.

 

Friday, September 7, 2007

I'll Be Trading In My Tricycle

I see plenty of strange things working in the car business, but the other day I saw something completely fresh and new.

Standing in the showroom, I saw a Dodge Durango pull on the lot and cruise slowly around, stopping briefly several times before disappearing behind the building.  Moments later, it reappeared on the other side and stopped.  The right rear passenger door popped open and a boy who could not possibly have been a day over age ten got out.

I took a deep breath and readied myself to greet the rest of the family, but no one else emerged.  The boy walked around the car, walked down the row of cars in front of the showroom and looked inside each, noting the price on the window sticker.

I shot a glance back at the Durango and saw 'Dad' shouting orders at the boy.  I've seen people run for their cars at my approach, had people yell at me for saying hi but never once have I had someone so mortified of talking to a salesman that they shove their own child out the door and onto the lot.

What kind of family dynamic is that?  And how big of a sissy do you have to be to send your ten year old out to look so you don't have to talk to me?

I walked out the door, cruised right past the Durango, and introduced myself to the kid, handing him a business card in full view of the stunned family.

The things I have to deal with.

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Monday, September 3, 2007

Some People Have All the Luck

For most people, getting shot outside their home might be an indicator they live in a crappy neighborhood.  Some people seem not to mind so much.

"A 25-year-old Frederick man was shot early Monday (Sept. 3rd) morning at Country Hill Apartments...police received the call at 3:37 a.m., and found Brandon Joseph McCallister with a gunshot wound to the lower side of his abdomen.

On Aug. 11, McCallister was shot in the lower body in another incident on Heather Ridge Drive. At that time, McCallister was found with several gunshot wounds..."

I'd suggest either moving or finding a line of work that doesn't involve standing outside on street-corners at 3:30 in the morning.  Just my two cents.