Why is it that some people are soothed by anger? Sometimes I wonder if chance and circumstance have hardened me into one of those sorry lot who feel at ease enraged. Having never noticed this in myself until somewhat recently, I can only surmise that it's a relatively new occurance. I do have my theories on its origins, given the nature of those who are by default, omitted from its wrath.
This demon in my head never rears itself to be directed at my wife or children; but others are not so lucky. I sometimes wonder why I'm not slower to anger at things or people, or even why I anger or even notice the things that set me off. I seem, somewhere over the course of my life thus far, to have lost the ability to throttle my temper. It's either on, or off. I no longer get angry or frustrated, I fly into a tempestuous rage, that even startles me with its ferocity.
Yet, somehow, I seem to have made peace with this monster. I find that occasionally, I will incite someone to drive me to it, almost like a drug. It's so common for me to feel like that, I am almost more comfortable with it boiling in my gut.
I don't like it, and I'm not crazy. I can understand most of what I perceive to be the causes, and am taking actions to resolve them so this slinks back into the depths of my soul never again to show itself.
Taking pride in, and revelling in anger is not who I am, but rather what I feel some people have made me become. It is, however, my responsibility to fix it.
