Uncle Sam Says Strip

Soldiers for the Truth has a frontpage story running claiming that the Army has ordered troops deploying into combat areas not to wear privately purchased body armor. Their alternative is to either wear the Army's standard issue body armor or to go without. What's worse is that evidently the soldiers are being told that if they are killed while wearing non-sanctioned body armor, their families may not receive death benefits.

This is almost too infuriating to be true. I can't even imagine how pissed these soldiers must be to find out that they are not allowed to use a superior product even if they pay for it out of their own pocket. I call bullshit on that policy.

Drab and Dreary

Nothing terribly exciting is going on today; no news stories have me particularly tethered to the internet. I'm more surfing out of sheer boredom than any pervasive need to either be productive or learn something.

I've already surfed to the usual sites and I'm starting to think I've seen at least a representative sample of everything on the internet at one time or another.

Kelly is out with her friend Jessica today, she's got Jack with her, and I'm on Aeryn duty. Talk about easy; she's been asleep since Kelly left. It's been very cold and windy today. One of the stinging cold drizzling days you expect to find in November, not January. To the weather's credit, it finally saw fit to switch over to snow about 45 minutes ago.

So here I sit with a Redskins/Seahawks game on TV, gazing out the bay window at the blowing snow. Bored.

Phlegm is Your Friend

Mucinex is the God of all medicines. Hell, even crack bows down to it. Hydrocodone...well, we'll discuss that at a later date, but let's suffice it to say that Mucinex is officially the best working and yet simultaneously most reviled medicine I've ever forced down my gullet.

I've had this semi-bronchitis feeling thing for several days now, and it's been making me feel like I need to heave almost every time I move. My airways get all plugged up and sludge-filled and just the thought of it is enough to make me gag. On my wife's recommendation, I procured and popped a couple of these little blue and white snot assassins.

Within hours every single cough sent me scurrying for a suitable target at which to launch a slippery green oblong gob of noselube. It's the most disgusting thing ever. I can't fathom how my head can hold so much of this shit. Right in the middle of a phone call with my dad earlier, there was one little cough and off I had to go to expel the slimy sputum.

I'm not sure (mainly because to do this would make me vomit up my intestines) but I believe that if I managed to save every little gelatinous gob of the stuff I could probably fashion a life-sized model of my own head by now.

Mucinex, we who are about to cough salute you.

On a more personal note, we didn't get the apartment (over a minor technicality) however, we are on a waiting list and will get the next available one. Chalk up one more load lifted. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting alot closer now. Thank God.

Spirits, Stress and Sickness

It's been an interesting few days. On Sunday Kelly and I were visiting my parents, as is our weekly ritual. We'd just finished dinner and had moved into the living room while mom and dad stayed in the kitchen to finish up the dishes. The kids were playing quietly on the floor, and I stretched out on my stomach on the couch, propping myself up to see Kelly who sat in the recliner immediately beside the couch. As we were talking, I noticed her eyes briefly look away and start 'tracking' something left-to-right behind me. She had a puzzled look on her face, so I immediately figured one of the kids had just done something unusual or bizarre. I asked her what was going on, and she replied, 'I'm not sure. Your dad's still in the kitchen, right?' It was obvious he was as the kitchen butts up against the living room and my parents were talking.

"Yeah, don't you hear Dad talking?" I asked.

"Yes, but I just saw him walk into the bathroom" Directly behind me was the main hallway which the bathroom is off of. I turned around but it was only a reflex; I knew for a fact my dad was beside me, not in the bathroom some 20 feet away. Kelly's face got noticeably pale at this point; she mentioned that she literally could not believe she hadn't heard the bathroom door close, because she was THAT certain she'd seen him cross the hallway and go in.

Nothing else even remotely bizarre happened the rest of the day or since, but that's not necessarily indicative of anything. When I was a kid, I guess around 10 or so, I had an identical experience. I was in my bedroom when I saw my Dad come in and look in on me, then turn and walk into the next bedroom, which was the empty guest room. That time, I actually went and looked in and saw an empty room. That was a different house, and a different era though.

For Kelly to admit she saw something like that, something she can't explain, is really saying something. Other weird things have happened in my parents house before this though; ever since my grandmother passed away, we get weird images on photos we take over there...sometimes we get the fabled 'orbs'. I know the difference between a dirty lens, dust in the air, and something that shouldn't be there thanks. My Dad happens to be a pro photographer so I'm somewhat familiar with a camera.

In addition, for years my mom has been finding pennies all around the house in really bizarre locations, places where there really shouldn't be anything, let alone money. On one occasion, I was standing in the kitchen talking to my mom around noon when all of the sudden, a penny hit the counter and rattled to a stop as if it had been spun. Mom and I looked at each other in disbelief, as nobody was anywhere near where the penny hit.

Who knows?

Jack and I have been down with the beginning stages of bronchitis, which is always fun, and on top of that, we're waiting to hear back regarding a new place to live, which I'm sure has helped wear me down to the point where I caught this bug from Jack. Aeryn and Kelly are safe thus far, I hope it stays that way.

Over the Hill and Up the Next

Dad turned 60 today and I haven't come to terms with it yet. My brain keeps spitting up memories of Dad and me playing baseball when I was younger. Then time had to intervene and things happen like diabetes, cancer, moving, retirement; all of the sudden I'm 28, my Dad is 60 and I'm trying to figure out where the hell all of the time between those memories and now actually went.

It's hard for me to accept that the 3-week super-massive roadtrip out west we took back in '98 was the last family vacation I am ever going to have. Mom and Dad just aren't into that sort of thing anymore, and now I'm married with two children, and a vacation with my parents isn't the same, nor is it likely.

It's been really making me think about things; time and family specifically. If I had known then that I was never going to do those things again, I'd have savored them a hell of a lot more. If I'd known how fast my Dad was going to go from working the night shift to retired and sitting at home with two dogs to keep him company...I don't know, it all just seems to be happening so fast.

I guess what's really getting to me is the fact that my Dad is now approaching the same age my Grandmother (mom's side) was when she passed away back in '96. I always thought she was so astonishingly old. She was 67. Dad's had a rough time of it; he had a minor stroke a few years ago, prostate cancer (this alone is an entire post unto itself), diabetes, and God only knows what else. On top of that, he still smokes every day.

I thought these maladies, and the love he has for his grandchildren would be enough to make him take better care of himself, but he has more or less resigned himself to aging and doing it as he sees fit. I was, evidently, wrong on this.

On a lighter note, we did have a great time tonight; Kelly and I took the kids, and my Mom and great-uncle took him out to Ruby Tuesday for dinner, and we had a blast. We went back to the house and had cake and ice cream, which the kids loved. Jack fed Aeryn some ice cream; it was so sweet to watch.

Dad and I have never really been the best of friends over the years. We're usually both so stubborn we fight almost all the time. I really hate that and no matter what happens, that will always be the one thing I will regret about my life. I love him and wish we could be better friends as well as father and son, but I think that life and experience and stubbornness have made that a pipe dream. The past few years have been better, but things still aren't where I want them to be, and I don't know that they ever will be.

I know he loves me; that's not in question. It's just that he and I never developed that special 'friendship' that so many dads and sons share. There's still time though, and I'm going to make the best of it.

Happy Birthday Dad, I love you.

Humanity Is Doomed

I hate to come off all apocalyptic in my posts, especially the titles, but sometimes the news just makes you shake your head and wonder why people who have the collective brainpower of a cockroach turd ever bother to open their mouths to the media. Well, that's actually why they do. They don't know any better than to spew their ignorant hatemongering drivel to anyone who will listen. They lack the check-valve most of us have in our brains that gives us that little warning 'that's not the smartest thing to say; don't say it.'

Pat Robertson recently made a(nother) stupid statement to the press (what were the odds?) He claims that Ariel Sharon's stroke was probably 'God smiting him for dividing Israel.' Now Pat, let's just slow down here for a moment. Does it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, you're a pompous asshole who doesn't understand the Bible or the Christian faith half as much as you think you do? Do you have a direct line to God? Is he a member of the 700 club or something? God does what He does for his own reasons, and it's extraordinarily arrogant to make a comment like that. I'll make sure to join the 700 club now; evidently I can just get the answers for why God does everything right from Pat. Why should I even go to Church anymore?

Then we come to good old Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. He's the new super-friendly President of Iran. The same nice guy who used to be a terrorist (oh wait, he was just there, he wasn't involved); wants to build nuclear missiles, hates everything western, and would like to see Israel "wiped off the map" This ignorant tool was quoted as saying 'Hopefully, the news that the criminal of Sabra and Chatilla has joined his ancestors is final'.

What has the world come to, really when people like this are such prominent world figures? Is it any wonder at all that there's no world peace? With people like this running things, that's never going to happen. I know it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to have Mahmoud running around wishing for the destruction of entire nations.

Mission Accomplished

Today was brutal. We got approved for the car; but I spent the better part of the day scurrying around the house looking for things to pawn to come up with the last 191 dollars I'd need for the down payment. I packed the XBox and games and a Yamaha acoustic guitar into the trunk of the Sable and prepared to bid them farewell; hoping that'd bring me close to the sacred amount. Luckily, my Dad, who'd arranged to watch the kids for me while I pawned things told me to keep my stuff and just cut me a check for the remainder. I can't thank him enough.

We set a time to drive to the dealership and finalize everything. Having sold cars before, I was sure we were going to get royally screwed on the deal, but I didn't have the mental energy to fight it. Interestingly, we met with the finance manager for all of ten minutes, and were greeted with a payment some 50 dollars cheaper than we expected. We walked outside to find our newly detailed car gleaming in the mercury-vapor light. I started it up and installed the kids' seats in it, all the while marvelling at the sensation of hot air engulfing me. Turns out cars really do have a contraption in the dashboard called a heater that makes the air inside comfortably warm. Talk about innovation.

We actually were quite well taken care of, and ended up spending less than we expected. Not a bad deal, and we are thrilled beyond compare with our car. Tonight, we thank God for providing this wonderful car for us and I personally thank you who visited my site and prayed for us. We're eternally grateful.

Everybody Else is Doing It

I'm not under any illusions that more than a handful of people will ever see this site. Sure it'd be nice, but hey, I'm just one of a million guys with one too many spare moments to post inconsequential bits of his life story on the web. Over the past two years now, my wife and I have gone through a fair bit of hell. We had two children, which we wouldn't trade for the world, but Kelly had to deal with an affliction called Hyperemesis Gravidarum the whole way through both pregnancies. There were times I didn't think she'd make it. A whole bunch of medical bills and some bad luck later, and we're stuck in living arrangements we utterly loathe (more on that later) and with only one functional car, a 1996 Sable purchased for $3,000 dollars last year. It died on us after only five months, and needed over $2,000 dollars worth of work. Even still, it has over 134,000 miles on it, needs new motor mounts, a tune-up, and some serious transmission work. On top of all of that, the heater no longer works. Kelly just started a new job to try to earn some more money we can use to try to get a new place to live and a new car.

As it stands now, we share the one car between us, and have to drive everywhere fully bundled up in winter coats, hats and gloves. It makes me feel horrible to have to bundle the kids up to take them anywhere. Unfortunately, part of buying another car and looking for a place to live involves leaving the house, so do it we must.

We both have made some foolish credit decisions in the past and are paying for it in spades now. We're trying to buy a halfway decent used car, and in fact, applied to be financed for one, but we're not sure if we're going to get it or not. We should know tomorrow. If not, we're going to have to keep looking. If you're a praying person, please say a good word for us. We're good people with two sweet kids and we just need a little bit of a hand right about now. If you're feeling extra generous, you could always throw a few dollars our way using the new nifty donation button I added. Truth be told, I'd be ecstatic if someone out there cared enough to send even a token amount. I'm sure not expecting it, but who knows. I have nothing to offer in return but my sincere thanks, so I guess I'll see.

We're trying to get a 2004 Kia Optima (no Kia cracks, please, we had one once and loved it.) Even if nobody out there sends us a dime, I'm ok with that. I'm not expecting a penny, but I'm hoping for a prayer.

Two Posts in One Day - What's Next

Take a moment to think about the coolest thing you've ever imagined. Now take a second to realize that this is cooler. It's a bear, but not just any bear. It's a bear that shits prime numbers. Now that is a fine use of bandwidth if I've ever seen one.

When Satan Rears Her Head

My Satan in law, er...mother in law has done it yet again. Managed to effectively piss me off to the point where I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack, or a stroke, or perhaps a good old-fashioned anyeurism. (I'd prefer any of those to seeing her.) I'm sitting here babysitting at her house (don't ask.) So she decides to go to the dentist, and for two hours, I have nothing but blissful fun-time with my children.

Then she gets home and immediately I hear the trademark Trasformer 'chunk chunk chunk' sound as she reconfigures herself into Bitchimus Prime, leader of the Tamponicons. She parked her oompa-loompa ass onto her favorite living room chair and began dictating what my son could and could not watch on TV, as my mouth fell open (a regular ocurrence) in anger and shock. Evidently, 'Fairly Oddparents' on Nickeloden, 'The Proud Family' on Fox, and whatever else I clicked to, she declared was 'inappropriate' and then followed up with a rant about how it was her house, her TV, and her job to supervise the children. The fact that I, their father, was right there in the room evidently never registered with her.

I clicked off the TV and threw the remote across the room making some comment to the effect of 'Sorry, I didn't realize that the TV Gestapo was in the house.' I would have been infinitely more satisfied by firing off an overly loud 'Fuck you and everyone who looks like you' but that would have scared the kids.

With all the medication she's on for her 6,856 medical and mental disorders, you'd think eventually one of them would mellow her out to the point where her bitch quotient sunk down into the fractional range, but evidently that's too much to ask for.

I've got a solution for her that would almost certainly work, but last time I checked, punching someone in the face was still considered assault.

Brillobeard and the Norelco Avenger

I got something totally unexpected for Christmas; a Norelco electric razor. To most people this wouldn’t be even remotely worthy of a post, but for me it’s a little bit different. Since the dawn of my shaving days, I’ve tried every razor out there and have reached the conclusion that my beard quite simply defies the laws of physics. I don’t have a five o’clock shadow, I have a five o’clock force shield. Forget disposables; I can shear the blade off of one in one shave, rendering it somewhere slightly less blunt than a balsawood butterknife. The closest to perfection I’ve ever found was the original Mach 3 razor and then the slightly eerie battery-powerd M3 Power razor, it’s Duracell fueled younger sibling.

I was under the impression that no puny electric razor could make a difference where scores of over-priced gimmicky low-tech versions couldn’t. Imagine my surprise when I tried out my new razor and it actually worked. I actually made it through an entire shave without a single nick. For me, that alone is worthy of a post. Well, this is going to be a totally new year for me, so why not start with the little things?