Kelly and I went to Toys R' Us to look for some Christmas presents for Jack and Aeryn; what happened was that we ended up leaving twenty minutes later with me in a royally foul mood. What could happen in a simple toy store you may ask?
The Human Enema. That's what. Worse, they were yuppies. Real honest-to-goodness BMW driving, trenchcoat sporting, soap opera named ones. If there's one thing I can not stand when I'm at the store, it's the human enema. For example, when I'm walking through the mall and some jerkoff walks so closely behind me I'd be unable to squeeze a fart out between us. Usually there's nobody on either side of me and no reason under the sun they couldn't simply walk around me if they're in that much of a hurry. But no, oh no, they'd much rather form a suction seal on my ass.
I was looking at one of those electronic writing toys that teach kids to spell; my niece could really benefit from one and I'd seen them on TV and wanted to check them out in person. I walked up to it, pressed two buttons and picked up the pen that came with it, and all of the sudden, out of nowhere comes 'Trinity' marching up behind me. Slinking is probably a better word, she just appeared in my peripheral vision. She was close. Very close. Just standing there silently in her trenchcoat, peering over my shoulder with exaggerated jerks of her neck, 'straining' to see around me.
I got pissed (go German temper!) and stepped away making a comment about not being able to focus when someone was crawling into my anus. I turned around and she spits off 'Oh, Devon, come see this!'
Devon had on a nice buton up shirt tucked into his designer jeans. His metrosexual ensemble was completed by a pair of $500 italian leather shoes and a matching jacket which he carried flung waiter-style over his arm. For some unknown reason, it just popped into my head that they must have a BMW. I even made a comment to Kelly to this effect.
A few minutes and several frustrating encounters with 'Trinity' and Devon later, we left. As we got to the car, what was parked next to us? A black BMW with sport rims. I'm sure they managed to fit the Power-Wheels ride-on Hummer in the backseat so they could take it home and appease the materialistic demands of their yuppie spawn on Materialismas.
