Sunday, May 28, 2006

Possession With Intent?

The horror of youth gone mad on caffeine induced binges! Imagine the panic in the streets as teenagers overdose on Pepsi and Mountain Dew! Evidently, this terror was very, very real to one school in Pennsylvania where a middle school student was suspended for giving 'Jolt' chewing gum to another student on the grounds that the gum contains caffeine, and caffeine is a stimulant and is therefore not permissable.
The gum is "a stimulant that has no other redeeming quality," said Amy Palermo, schools superintendent.
Wow, that is seriously profound. Let's forget the whole 'kids bringing drugs, knives and guns to school' thing and go after the real threat to America's youth: Jolt gum.

Perhaps an investigation should be launched to determine whether the teachers these girls shared were so dull that they actually needed an energy kick in the first place. If the school district is this anal-retentive (and starved for attention) my guess would be yes.

In all honesty, it's better to stop these budding young druggies now before they grow up and spend their lives wasting away in dark alleys forced to resort to a life of prostitution to pay for their soft drink habit.

(Source: AccessNorthGa.com)